Mechanical Heart

Chapter 13

My heart ached but I forced on a smile. Xavier tugged on my hand and we sped up the escalator. We stood in front of the boarding gate and just looked at one another. I was gazing at my shining star, my beautiful star. I heard a low cough and my head snapped to the coughs direction. The entire gang stood there each one with a card in their hand, Derek was the one who coughed. He stared at me, before brushing past me. He and Xavier exchanged nods then finally some guy handshake and then a guy hug. I bit my lip and stared at the ground, forcing my tears to stay in. Forcing my true emotions to sit still behind the mask that I was wearing. Each one of the gang members and the seniors bid their goodbyes to the one and only Xavier then they stepped back for me. It was my turn now. I took in a deep breath, breathe in and out I tried calming myself. Our feet touched but I couldn't push myself to look at him, cause I knew if I did I would break down completely and the mask that I was wearing would shatter. I bit my lip harder hoping that the pain would numb out my emotions. I could begin to taste blood, maybe I bit too hard and yet the pain hadn't numbed my emotions. I was still trying to stifle my tears. I was still struggling to be able to grasp this concept of him leaving. I felt soft finger place themselves under my chin. It pushed my head up and Xavier's and my eyes locked. I lowered my eyes as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. A sob broke loose. Xavier engulfed me into a hug his arms wrapped around me like wrapping paper. The pressure in his arms sent warmth throughout my body. I've never felt this much flow of love from him. The atmosphere was strained but was coated with warmth, love, understanding and fear. His arms tightened around me like a fastened seatbelt. My tears pierced his cardigan sweater. It hit him like bullets I suppose because I knew him leaving felt like a little parasite eating up my heart a whole, at first it was just a small nibble but from nibbles it became bites. It will eventually finish my heart. Xavier pulled apart and glided his thumb across my face wiping away my tears, but to me it seemed like he was trying to wipe away all my troubles. My pain was his pain as he would always say.

"It's going to be alright. Only for a year okay?" He shook from his tears.

I nodded, my brain was unable to form words at the moment. The boarding gate was about to close, it was time. He pulled apart but we still had one hand in twined. Our fingers peeled away from one another slowly. With each finger I heard my heart crack. Our hands were finally separated. Xavier went in and got on the escalator. He waved as he reached the top. I smiled up at him, I arched my lips and screamed.

"I love you baby." I shrieked.

"I love you too." He replied.

His figure disappeared and the gang separated. All but one. Derek. I turned to him and gave him a weak nod. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and looked at me.

"So what's it going to be? Vanilla or chocolate ?" He smirked at me calmly.

I stared at him hard. I kicked the floor and shuffled past him. I paced myself so I wouldn't trip and fall. I felt harsh hands wrap around my hand and jerked my body backwards. I stumbled. Derek spun me to face him and I collided with his chest.

"You can cry in front of me. I'll understand." He lowered his eyes to mine.

I bit my lip and looked down at my feet once more then back at him. I began to wail and this time I wailed loud and clear. I buried my face in his chest muffling my wails. He stroked my hair and I felt pained eyes look upon me.

"I miss him already. I want him back. I love him." I whimpered.

I felt his body stiffen at the mention of me loving him. I clamped my mouth shut, I forgot about the way he thinks of me. I dug my nails into his shirt and drowned my sorrows in my tears, nevertheless he doesn't stop stroking my hair. His hands ran down my hair and his whispered in my ear, "it's going to be okay". Here's the thing though, I wasn't really sure about that. My doubts were taking over my mind leaving me to be paranoid. My body shook from fear and I felt Derek's grip around me strengthen and I stood there, imagining that I was in Xavier's arms, that it was Xavier's cologne, his breath and his heart. Let's play pretend my mind urged. I'll play pretend so my heart doesn't ache too much. I pulled apart and wiped away my tears.

"I'm going to go with chocolate ice cream." I smiled at him.

He was stunned into silence at first but he quickly recovered and sent me a smirk accompanied with a wink.

"Chocolate it is."