A Dying Flower | K.sj

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When Seokjin woke up a few hours after Red's act of violence against him. His body was sore and aching all over, the first thing he felt was a massive wave of pain and despair, strong despair in his heart that made him feel as though a heavy weight was placed on his chest, squeezing his heart as his ears rang loudly.

He hadn't realized that what was stinging his right cheek bone wasn't only the pain but also the hot tears which crawled down the sides of his face into the pillow unconsciously with the overwhelming feelings that took over him.

One hiccup, two, three, his hiccups slowly turned into sobs that racked his body. Seokjin's aching arm covered his eyes, wetting it as he allowed more choked sobs to make their way out of his throat.

It felt as though the walls were caving in on him. Every door he tried to open had closed right in his face in the most harsh ways.

Wasn't there anyone to help him? Rescue him? Had no one heard how loudly his heart screamed out for help? Was the pain he's in not enough to gain the attention of anyone?

Seokjin shook his head as he wiped at the tears with the back of his hands. This was enough, he had suffered enough, he had tried too much, held on, stayed as strong as he could to keep his promise with Yoongi but strong people have limits too. Maybe letting go would do less damage than holding on. Maybe that was just the right and last choice he had, it must have been why he kept on failing to do anything.

He had fallen deeper into the dark ocean and unlike the other times, he had fallen too deep that he isn't able to bring himself out. Someone needed to do it for him, someone needed to hold him tight, kiss him, stitch his teared up parts back together and get him out before he had finally lost his breath and drowned.

Seokjin took a long breath that felt as though someone had ripped his lungs out, similar to the way his body felt as if the skin was ripped off his bones but nothing hurt more than how the darkness fully consumed his broken heart, getting into the bleeding wounds in it and poisoning him.

This was it, this was his fate and finally, Seokjin had accepted it and made up his mind to try getting rid of his feelings, not because he wanted too but because he was forced too. Not accepting would only cause more pain but this way, the only pain would be the one from his broken heart and soul as he started to welcome the feeling nothingness which was stronger than the feeling of pain, it was what Seokjin continued to feel even when Red had dipped his head in cold water six hours later, punishing him one more time and asking if he would dare to do something like that again but not giving Seokjin a chance to answer before he was suffocating him in the water until the boy thought that he would be granted death, only to be pulled out to inhale oxygen right then for a few seconds before his head was pushed back into the water again.

The feeling of nothingness continued to be there even when two men had taken him in their hold the next day at once. Ripping him apart the same way Kageyama did or maybe even more, using him for hours before leaving him to lay above a filthy blanket with crimson colored spots on it once again.

The feeling of nothingness continued and continued until Seokjin had learned to only feel that in the span of three days.

Clients continued to come and use him, pleasure him even but this was different. His body no longer belonged to him, only his mind and heart. Whatever they did to his body, whatever his body felt, it wasn't something he is in control of anymore.

Who knew that letting go would be this easy? Would be this beautiful? Who knew that it would make hell much more easier to live in? Seokjin had figured that the hard way but since he was going to continue living like this for god knows how long, he was glad he had figured it earlier rather than later.