Chapter 5: Self-Destruction

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by realkdz

by realkdz

❗️warning❗️/this chapter contains sensitive words and mentions self-harm so please read at your own risk. /// listening to the given audio clip while reading is highly recommended. //

Dean's POV

I went towards the mirror beside my bed. I looked into the reflection of myself for a second. While thinking about things that bothers me, with tears escaping my eyes.

Is it true that my parents don't really care? Is there really no one who wants to be a part of my life? Am I just a pest in this world?

Maybe Hanz is right, maybe killing myself is the best option right, self? I'm just a trash and nobody wants to go with me, nobody wants to be friends with me right?

I sat on my bed and began to beg for forgiveness. I closed my eyes and prayed saying,

"Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to live, thank you for all the blessings I receive every day. Please forgive me if I'll be returning the life that I borrowed earlier than anticipated, because I really can't do it anymore, sorry for failing you. Sorry for not being able to fulfill my mission. Again, I sincerely apologize".

And tears kept falling as I drift off to sleep.

The next morning, I did my usual routine but before going to school I made a letter for my parents, placing it on the table in my room. Then I left the house. I woke up early so I could do what I needed to do. There were only few students who go to school this early, so I think this is the right opportunity. I climbed to the rooftop of Dolim University, threw my bag on the ground and stood near the edge.

I can feel the nervousness inside me, the feeling of fear to continue and meet my own end. But no, I can do this. This is the best option to end everything. No one will ever know, because no one really cares.

I looked up facing the skies above saying,

"Lord, I'll be meeting you now. I'll finally give myself back to you. Please forgive me for being so early."

Breathe in, breathe out.

Tears, negativity and memories.

Mom, Dad, and Hanz, thank you.

I closed my eyes and smiled.

Good bye...