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Chapter 8: Saudade

Ethan's POV

"My dearest son, promise me you'll be a successful lawyer someday okay? And I'll be the one to hand you the medals as you graduate in senior high school okay? Promise me."

My Dad said as he raise his pinky finger waiting for me to do a pinky promise with him.

"Of course Dad! You know that you're my inspiration to do my best everyday. You'll be there at my graduation, promise me as well!" 

I replied as I responded to his pinky promise.

But promises were really meant to be broken.

It's six in the morning, I went downstairs and there I see my family, my Mom Anthea, and my three siblings namely Erika, Ella and Edrick. I'm so late, they are about to finish their breakfast. I might just go eat my meal alone.

An hour has passed.

My Mom told me to clean my room every end of the week this vacation, and it is time to do it so. As I clean my room I saw one of my albums I made for our presentation back when I was in senior high school. Our teacher told us to make an album about ourselves. And I have mine here, I don't know but my hands initiated to open it. Here I have, pictures of mine during my graduation in senior high school days. I look good eh? I should also read what I've written here beside my photos.

"Hello, it's Ethan Hemsmith speaking, a boy who came from a middle class family, the youngest son of Anthea and Robert Hemsmith and has three siblings. My parents believed that education is the key to success, so I focused on academics right from the start of my elementary days. I also lived in a simple life; not thinking about materialistic means of living. I promised to my family that I'll be doing my best to succeed, making myself to achieve awards with the highest honors in my elementary to junior high school days. I may be feeling a lot of pressure in my situation but I didn't mind it at all, not until my father was involved in a car accident..."

Drops of blood fell down on my album, I'm trying to wipe it all but it is just getting bigger and bigger. The atmosphere changed and it feels like fear is slowly eating my whole body. A hand from my back appeared in front of me handing me a handkerchief, I looked behind my back, and it's my Dad! I can't believe this, it's been a while and tears keep on falling from my eyes.

"Son, why are you crying?"

"Dad, I miss you so much. Dad, please hold my hand a little more."

He held both of my hands tightly, he looked onto my album having a face of curiosity.

"What's with the pictures, Son?"

"It's for my presentation before, look Dad, I finished my senior high school days! Dad, you said that you'll be the one to grant me the medals, why didn't you make it there?"

"Because you don't have one, Son"

I looked down for a second, wiped my tears and exhaled.

"No Dad, it is because you left me."

Darkness swallowed my whole existence as my father died. The feeling of dissatisfaction every time I do things made me feel disappointed to my own self. The light of mine the day that I was born is now gone. I'm looking for flashlights as a replace, but nothing seems to be found. Memories still haunt me this moment, I still need an explanation for the death of my father. Why him? Why? I distanced myself to everyone and everything including my passion. I can't eat properly and I'm always having a hard time to sleep. I feel like heaven and hell is in collision and I'm in between them. The feeling of no one can help me with all this pain that I have.

However, even if I'm experiencing a sorrowful life, I still managed to finish senior high school but this time, with no academic awards. My passion to education was gone, all I think about is just the death of my father, I can't think of a way to move on. Furthermore, my family experienced a financial problem the day that my father died, so my mother told me to apply for a scholarship in a university. Way back when I was a kid, I'm really good in running but I didn't continue that side of mine since I tend to focus more on schooling. Luckily, this university called "Dolim University" that I'll be entering to offers a full scholarship for those who will join the athletics training.

I closed my album slowly as I breathe out, but a picture of mine fell down on the floor. I turned it backwards to see who is in the photo, and it shows me and my father when we went to a beach together with my family. He said he loves to see sunsets and having me beside him makes it a memorable one for him.

"Dad, I know you're in a better place now. Take care."

I said as I fix my things together with my precious album.