Avengers Oneshots [Completed]

I don't even know...

"Now, you're probably wondering how I got into such a sticky situation," Deadpool spins around in the cocoon of spider webs hanging from the ceiling. "You're also probably thinking, 'No, Deadpool, I think we understand', but the thing is, you don't." Deadpool's mask's eyes widened to dramatize his words. "Buckle up, big boy or girl, we don't discriminate, and let the Author fill you in on what that little f-"

Deadpool first met Spider-Man because he was about to shoot someone in the head and apparently that is frowned upon by, well, the world. So Spidey came swooping in, stopped Wade, and then the bad guy shot Spidey. Deadpool isn't known to be chivalrous or anything but it was a kid and he was bleeding. Of course, he was going to help a little. Wade helped stitch him up and they became friends after that. Nothing else. Not the right fic.

Later, they actually showed each other their faces when they got into a fight involving lots of fighting and punching. Both had bruised their faces up pretty bad but while Wade would heal in a matter of minutes, it took a little longer for Pete, especially since his nose was broken. Wade apologized with ice-cream and a cigar which Peter threw the latter out the window. It was the good kind too.

That doesn't explain the current situation though. The whole problem where Wade is stuck hanging in webs like a trapped fly. But, it isn't Peter's fault he's stuck. Not totally. It's Dopinder's fault, actually. Shall we recap on that?

"Wade, I need to go call Mr. Stark to tell him I'm off of patrol," Peter grabbed his old phone off the table next to his suit. "Be back in a couple of minutes." Pete walked out and Wade, Dopinder, and Weasel all fell silent. Wade looked around his small apartment before rushing to the fridge.

"Since the child is gone, let's drink," Wade grabbed out a lot of beers and threw them to the other two men. Dopinder fumbled with his and looked unsure. Weasel began chugging along with Wade. They kept drinking until Dopinder burped loudly and stumbled over to the table.

"I've always wondered how these things work," He picked up the web-shooters and put them on his hands.

"Uh," Wade wiped his mouth. "I wouldn't recommend playing with those things."

"Why?" Dopinder aimed at Wade and fired them. Wade braced himself and tried turning away but Dopinder was still pressing down, so Wade just began wrapping himself up in the web. Weasel just blinked and finished chugging his third beer. Dopinder stopped and quickly set down the web-shooter.

"Peter is going to kill you guys," Weasel slurred and sat down on the old couch. Wade tried freeing himself when Peter suddenly walked in. Pete set his phone down before fully looking up to see Wade wrapped in white in the kitchen.

"Are you-wait, what?" Peter glanced at his web-shooters and then at the other two.

"It was him," Weasel rats out Dopinder. Dopinder gives him a look of betrayal before looking at the ground.

"Sorry, Peter," Dopinder apologized. Peter looked like he gave up at that point and then he looked around the room.

"Were you guys drinking too?" They all immediately began to sober up at the look of annoyance and hurt on the kid's face. "You guys know I don't like drinking."

"That was kind of my fault," Wade hops closer to Peter. "But, we are adults and we can do what we want, right guys?" His friends did not jump to his defense. "What great buds you are."

"Well, if that's so," Peter reached towards his web shooters and put them in place. He raised them at Wade and Wade's eyes widened. "Payback?" He fires a web and spins Wade around in it until he's securely cocooned in it. He puts a web on Wade's back before jumping and connecting it to the ceiling, bringing Wade off the ground entirely. He reinforces the string before grabbing his web-shooters and suit, throwing it into his backpack. "I got school tomorrow, bye!" He waves and slams the door shut as he leaves.

Dopinder and Weasel share a look before grabbing their stuff and rushing out, too.

"Really guys?" Wade calls after them. "You know what? No more tips for either of you!" Wade continues spinning and sighs.

That was about half an hour ago.

"Yeah, so not exactly what you'd expected, but probably not far from it either." Wade drops his head as he stops spinning for a couple of seconds. "Now let's read what the Author has to say for her usual outro shi-"

Thank you guys for reading another chapter. A bit of messy crack one but it has Deadpool in it so it's all good. I love him. I just got a Deadpool shirt actually so that's your useless fact of the day. Thank you guys for reading and remember to vote and comment!