Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

1 - When we fall asleep

I let out a sigh of relief as I fell on my bed and stared at the ceiling, moving my hands up and down on the bed sheets as if I was making a snow angel.

I smiled, feeling content at the fact that I could finally sleep in my own bed. It's not that the hotel beds were uncomfortable or anything but you just don't get the kind of sleep you would get in your own bed. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, inhaling the rusty yet fresh air that filled the room. I laid there peacefully until Jin hyung burst into the room.

"Man, have I missed this place!" he exclaimed smiling widely as he pulled in his two suitcases.

"Yoongi-ah, are you here?" he asked looking around the shelf that separated the two beds.

"Yeah, hyung. I'm here. '' I said slowly opening my eyes.

"Ya! It hasn't been 10 mins since we entered the dorm and you're sleeping, why am I not surprised?" he said as he looked down at me shaking his head and smiling.

"You really can't blame me, you know?" I said looking at him.

"I actually can't, can I?" he said as he laid down beside me. "As much as I'm a little sad that we won't be able to meet army for a while, it feels good to be home".

"It does" I said closing my eyes again, slowly drifting away from the rare times, comfort and safety was provided by reality.

                               ______

I squinted my eyes in discomfort, trying to shield them using my hands, as the sun's rays peeked through the curtains, shining in my eyes, creating a beautiful tyndall effect in the room.

I moved my hand lazily on the bed and the sidetable beside my bed, trying to locate my phone. I looked up at the screen and it read 6:36 am. I pulled away the bedsheets realising that I was still in my clothes from the flight.

I would usually take a shower after coming back from any flight but yesterday had marked the end of our HYYH: epilogue tour and although the flight wasn't that long, I hadn't had it in me to bother to shower and change yesterday.

Obviously Jin hyung must have removed my shoes and set me in bed but of course hadn't had the courage to wake me up to tell me to change.

Honestly you can't blame me for being so protective of my sleep. Sleep is very important and precious. It would take you to places you could never imagine. Places of such creativity and tranquility that sometimes, no...most of the times you would feel to just stay there forever.

But then there were those unfortunate times  that I'd rather stay up working on my music than to dare to go to that place. At those times, it would become the most dreaded place, even worse than hell. Where every single one of your demons would corner you and take turns diminishing every bit of hope, positivity, joy or optimism you ever had until you could do nothing except to cry and scream for it to not be real and you would wake up tears in your eyes and your head with beads of sweat.

I always thought of it as disappointing because when reality would become too much, I would be able to go to that place but what would I do when that place itself became a mirror of reality and what would I do when I had no choice but to give up and welcome the nightmares with open arms when my body couldn't take the lack of sleep anymore.
But I ended up with a pretty good conclusion. There is no escape except the most permanent one..which I couldn't choose..ever..well...at least not yet....

a/n: sorry for the short chapter..the upcoming chapters will be longer..thanks for reading..and pls do comment.I would love to hear your thoughts..and if u think the chapter is good (i don't think so)..feel free to vote..although i rlly don't care...cause this is just for my sake and my lovely readers..
love ya ❤️/have a good night or day.