Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

4 - Vents

"Some people's lives seem to flow in a narrative; mine had many stops and starts. That's what trauma does. It interrupts the plot. You can't process it because it doesn't fit with what came before or what comes afterwards."

It was Jin Hyung. I lowered my hand that was held by Namjoon and let go of Jin hyung's shoulder, that was pinned against the wall with my other hand. I looked down in embarrassment as my eyes welled up with tears as I realized what I had done.

"I'm sorry," I murmured without looking at them and ran to my room.

I barged into the room and immediately hid myself under the covers while little sobs escaped my lips. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I had almost hurt my Hyung! I felt so ashamed.

My head pounded as I tired to process everything but it was no use. A hangover was guaranteed and me crying wasn't really helping my already bad situation. Not knowing when, I slowly drifted of to sleep still crying.

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Seokjin POV

Yoongi suddenly got up from his place and started walking toward the stairs, looking disoriented. I simultaneously got up knowing he was either drunk or really sleepy.

I followed behind him and immediately grabbed his shoulders preventing him from falling prostrate on the stairs. He turned to look at me and his expression changed from unbothered to an alert and angry one. I was taken aback as he pushed me to the wall and lifted his left hand.

I looked at his, now murderous, eyes with shock plastered over my face. I had seen Min Yoongi angry but I'd never seen him like this. Whether it was the alcoh--no it couldn't be. He knew how to handle his drinks. This was something else.

Namjoon came behind yoongi just in time to stop him from throwing the punch. Yoongi glanced back at Namjoon and then confusedly back at me. His hold on me relaxed as a look of realisation dawned upon his face. He lowered his left hand and released hold of me from his other hand.

He bowed his head to the ground and murmured a soft "I'm sorry" before he ran up the stairs.

I looked back at Namjoon who was just as shocked as I was. Everyone in the living room was looking at us, unsure of what had just happened.

"What was that?", Taehyung questioned. "Are you alright Hyung". He asked worriedly.

"I-yeah I'm fine", I said looking at him reassuringly.

"But clearly Yoongi wasn't," Namjoon stated as he sat on the edge of the couch. I nodded in agreement as I took a seat beside taehyung.

"Did you see his eyes? He looked like he would kill me right there." I said glancing at namjoon.

"Yeah, I did." he replied.

"Maybe he drank too much?", Kookie inquired.

"I thought that as well but he wouldn't act like this," I said.

"There's no point in wondering why he suddenly acted like this. It's late, let's talk about this tomorrow when we are all of us are in the right headspace and hyung.." he pauses and looks at me. "Are you sure you're okay?".

"Yes, I am. A bit shocked and worried but okay," I say smiling slightly at the younger.

"Ok and please check on Yoongi hyung, I saw tears in his eyes as he left but don't say anything yet," He remarks quickly.

"I know better Joonie," I say playfully trying to cheer the atmosphere.

We all head to our rooms, very confused but at the same time worried. We knew better than to think nothing or small of this. When Jimin had stopped eating and would lash out at us when we would make him eat, we found out he was being influenced by anti armys and haters to lose weight and diet. Fortunately we talked some sense to him before it was too late.

I walked to the door of my shared room with yoongi and namjoon glanced at me nervously to which I said softly, "It's okay, go to sleep".

I gently turned the knob of the door. I carefully stepped inside the room and walked over to yoongi's bed to find him fast asleep under the covers with his face half covered and I could see the dry tears.

I smiled sadly at him. What's going on Yoongi?

I felt maybe I was getting a little too paranoid about something being wrong with my oldest dongsaeng as I settled in my bed.

I really hope you are alright Yoongi, was the last thought as slumber took over me.

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Did I do something bad?

That I deserve this?

A constant repetition of the same thoughts, events, doubts...

Stuck in a hole of madness, regret and a sense of doom glooming over me...

Again ...and again.

Can I make it stop?

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What a funny question!

This one I can answer.....

But I wish my answer wasn't the answer.

I can never make it stop.........

Not until I stop...........

a/n: I don't think this chapter is good...I'm not exactly satisfied with it..idk ...I hope you like it! I really want to hear your thoughts! Pls comment! God I sound so desperate lol...anyways don't forget to comment and vote..have a good day/night ❤️❤️❤️❤...Bye!