Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

5 - If I say I am okay, maybe it'll become true

"You're scared to tell people how much it hurts, so you keep it all to yourself"

So, "Sometimes, you gotta pretend that everything is okay"

YOONGI POV

I woke with beads of sweat lacing my forehead. I was breathing hard as I tried to calm myself. It had been two years since I had a nightmare and without a peck of struggle I was back. Back where I started.

I heard shifting of sheets from the other side of the room and realized I had almost woke Jin hyung up. I picked my phone from the bedside and the screen flashed with the bold large numbers 6:20 with various notifications underneath it.

"Feeling better?". My head snapped back up to see Jin hyung yawning as he leaned against the room bookshelf. I guess i did wake him up.

"Sorry If i woke you up," I quietly said ignoring his query.

"Oh no, you really didn't and you didn't answer me," he said eyeing me.

"Just a minor headache and loads of guilt," I said sighing deeply as I remembered last nights events.

"Yoongi-ssi, it's really alr-"

"No its not Hyung. I don't know what got into me, just that I am very sorry. I said looking him in the eye.

"I promise to never disrespect you like this ever again,'' I finished as I bowed my head down. I had great respect for those elder to me and this was the worst thing I could do to disrespect.

"Yoongi", he said as he sat on the bed next to me placing a hand on my shoulder.

"You weren't in the right sense. I know you would never do such if you were. Don't worry about it. But I do want to know why it happened, so focus on trying to figure that out." he said giving me a smile.

But I already knew why I'd lashed out and there was no way I could've told him that. It's not that I didn't trust him, it's just that no one knew and I really didn't plan on telling anyone.

He got up from my side and yawned once again while stretching as he said, "Well, right now let's just freshen up and we'll talk together about this after breakfast."

I nodded and in return Jin hyung smiled ruffling my hair.

"Ayee, Don't do that hyung!" I shouted as he made his way to the bathroom laughing.

I laid back in my bed thinking of reasons that could explain my behavior, last night, to the members. I really didn't want to lie but like they say your demons make you so helpless that you do all you wish to not.

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We all sat in silence and you would certainly be able to hear a pin drop. All eyes were on me and no one really knew how to start. After a couple of minutes, Namjoon cleared his throat.

"So I think you all know why we've gathered here," he said looking at each one of us, his gaze remaining a bit longer on me.

Before our leader could continue on to say anything further, I interrupted.

"Look before we talk about last night and what and how...I-" I took a deep breath as I continued.

"I'm really sorry to everyone. We were having fun and I just...I messed everything up and Hyung," I paused and looked at my only hyung who was sitting across from me.

"I'm especially sorry to you, I didn't mean to what I did. I mean if namjoon hadn't stopped me...I would've-". Panic started to cloud my head as I thought of the outcome if Namjoon hadn't intertwined.