Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

16 - one for visitor

"When you have a persistent sense of heartbreak and gut wrench, the physical sensations become intolerable and we will do anything to make those feelings disappear."

WARNING: CONTAINS TRIGGERING DESCRIPTION AND THEME. READ AT YOUR RISK

YOONGI POV

I fiddled with my fingers as my eyes rested on my lap and my feet tapped the floor in a consistent beat. I anxiously waited for Pdogg Hyung to finish listening to the demo I had just given him.

Months ago I wouldn't have the slightest bit of fear of rejection but now the anxiety of it, was eating me up. I hadn't doubted my abilities to produce music, write songs or compose since the debut days.

I had built up the confidence in myself and now, like everything else, I was losing it.

What if he hates it?

What if it's amateur?

What if the lyrics are too childish?

These thoughts were invading my mind as I sat there, waiting. Pdogg hyung cleared his throat and I looked up to see him removing the headphones. He stared at the computer screen for a few seconds before turning his head to look at me with no expression on his face.

Shit.

It was horrible, wasn't it?

He hated it...

"Um so Yoongi..If you don't mind can I get back to you on this?," He said hesitantly with a small smile on his face.

"Oh okay...that's cool. You can give me a call hyung and I'll be here," I said returning his smile and I didn't have the courage to ask him how it was. I didn't think I was ready for it.

I had worked very hard on this song and it had taken me longer than usual to finish it up because my mind was being a continuous nuisance to me at all times. Because my pessimism wasn't leaving me alone and my anxiety was sticking to me like a leech.

It was getting harder to do anything by each passing day and so it was a miracle that I had finished the demo of this song and to hear that I had failed to do up to mark, it was something I would be able to handle but just not right now.

"Yeah of course, I'll give you a call. I'll see you later," He said a bit nervously as I bid him goodbye and got up to leave. Why was he nervous? Was I that bad?

No think positive Yoongi.

You must have outdid yourself. That's why he's unable to say anything because he's so impressed.

Are you that delusional? Get over yourself. Everyone messes up and so did you.

No you did good.

You did horrible.

I did well

I did bad.

I did-

"Earth to Hyung?," I blinked rapidly as someone waved their hands in front of my eyes.

I was so entranced in my own thoughts that I didn't even realise when I had arrived at the practice room.

"Oh hey.." I replied.

"Hi, so are you ready to see our music video?", Taehyung asked rather excited.

Music video?

Right. We were viewing our blood sweat and tears MV and reacting to it today. It was supposed to be released a few hours from now. How could I forget?