Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

3 - Filling empty spaces

"One should always be drunk. That's all that matters...But with what? With wine, with poetry, or with virtue, as you chose. But get drunk."

Life is something that unemotionally repeats events with slight alterations and our brains are too occupied relieving these events, these situations that we never realise this extraordinary yet elementary dilemma.

I took another swig of the beer bottle in my hand. This is something that would never happen. Getting drunk in the presence of your best friends, bandmates, family for life? They would never let you live down the things you would do in this state of vulnerability. All so dearly recorded or captured.

You want to drink your sorrows away? Do it alone or at least when everyone around you is so into it that they wouldn't realise the depressed shit you'd say.

I honestly hadn't planned on drinking more like watching them get drunk and getting some revenge material. I would usually drink alone and get drunk alone, it felt better that way because my reasons for the fermented drink were quite different.

I don't know why or maybe I did but I was trying to ignore it but lately my thoughts were getting.....melancholic. I kept telling myself that it wasn't what it seemed like but I was no where near convinced.

Maybe that's why I did what I did.

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We were all having dinner and wine at the dining table. We'd decided that after dinner we would play a few games and then watch a movie with snacks hence the cause of the dinner being so light. More than enough for our celebration. Two important things. Food and then of course each other.

We finally came out of our beds. Not completely refueled but at least refreshed. The entire day had been spent with the members just enjoying each other's presence and being weird as usual.

Eomma had spent his time in the kitchen he had missed so much.

Chim chim and sunshine had weirdly high dance battles.

Joonie annoying eomma by entering the kitchen again and again and at the same time watching the entertaining sight that was the dancers acting like complete crackheads.

Me, tae the alien and golden maknae played Overwatch, the newly released video game that the maknae was slowly getting addicted to.

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We finished eating the last of our small yet delicious dinner and settled on the couch in the living room with our glasses of wine. Tae and kookie were pretending to be rich, sassy kings from this one show we used to watch. We laughed looking at the two as Joonie set up the board games. Just a couple of rounds of a few games.

The loser would have to prepare snacks for the movie and the games began and ended in a matter of 25 mins with the loser being the one and only.........Taehyung! (sorry if this seems rushed, I was too lazy to elaborate)

He had a gloom over his face as he looked down in defeat and shook his head in disappointment at himself.

"I'll go get the snacks", he said with a pout as he disappeared into the kitchen and we let out a little laugh at his cuteness while getting ourselves ready for the movie.

He came back five minutes later with two bowls of chilli butter popcorn, a bag of chips and some marshmallows.

"There..happy now?" he said as he set the food down on the table.

"Very much!" Jungkook exclaimed. "Thanks hyung!"

"You know I would have never done it if I hadn't lost," Taehyung said looking at Jungkook.

"I think you would have, if it was for me," Jungkook remarked softly so no one would hear. Taehyung obviously did as he was sitting right next to him and turned a slight shade of red. I smiled to myself, hearing what Jungkook had said and Tae's reaction. Can they get together already? (same yoongi, same)

The movie had just started but I found myself feeling very bored, so I decided rather than wasting my time, I should do something productive.

"I'll be back in a sec," I said excusing myself.

I went to my shared room with Jin hyung and grabbed my diary and pen. I settled myself on the velvet red armchair after pouring myself a glass of wine.

After a few minutes, I suddenly felt wine wasn't really what I wanted right now, so I grabbed a bottle of spite (it's a famous korean alcoholic drink) and in that moment received a side look of question from Jin hyung, to which I just shrugged.

Fairly, it's not easy to write anything especially when you're drinking but that's when you're mind goes to explore everything and in the process making it seem out of control. I was somewhat like that when I finished the bottle of beer.

I was drunk alright but some sense remained in me. (btw idk what getting drunk feels like cause I'm sadly underage, so I might be off here..).

I got up abruptly, making the others look at me questionably. For some reason the movie hadn't ended yet..maybe it'd only been a few minutes...how would I know?

I almost fell as I tried walking to the stairs to the rooms. I felt someone grab me, helping me stand straight. I looked to my side to see who it was but instead of seeing one of the members, I saw a pale man with dried blood on his face, smirking.

On realising who it was, I pushed him against the wall roughly as I lifted my arm lazily to throw a punch. But I was immediately held back by someone. I turned to look at who it was. It was Namjoon. He had a shocked yet concerned look on his face.

I stood there with my hand held by him. My hands in fists in motion to punch and I stared at him with anger. But then my expression changed to a confused one and I turned back to the guy pinned against the wall to find out that it was.... Jin Hyung.

What was wrong with me?

No I knew the answer to that very well.....

But more like why?

Especially now when I was finally in a good place..

Or.....

was that an illusion?

A dream?

A cruel trick by reality.....?

or was I really dumb enough to think I could ever move on..

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question 1

Then comes

Question 2

Question 3

And so on..

And I bet you can't answer any of them ...sad right? but they never will be gone.

a/n: cliffhanger? Idk..u decide...anyways hope u enjoyed...have a good day/night! ❤️❤️❤️❤️..btw I still wanna hear your thoughts..if someone is reading this..... ;-

Byeeeee ❤️❤️