"No amount of me trying to explain myself was doing any good. In the end all you can do is accept it"
THIRD POV
The clock was ticking in an annoying way as if trying to tell the oldest rapper it was time to give up. Give up on his goal to try to work without any sleep or food.
He let out a frustrated sigh as he crumbled up, the millionth piece of paper. He was trying to write as he felt a bit relaxed today. They had completed shooting all the short films and although Yoongi was done with his a few days back, he was glad to know everything was going as planned.
He picked up another piece of paper and steadied the pen's tip, when suddenly a feeling of anger took over him and he abruptly stood up, knocking over the chair he was sitting on.
He threw the pen on the opposite wall and in a swift move of his hand, threw everything off his desk.
He stood, panting heavily, in the middle of his studio. He fell down on his knees and covered his face with his hands, as he started sobbing.
Why am I so fucking weak?! He thought to himself.
Why can't I move on?
"Why does it hurt so much?". His thoughts overtook him as he started saying them out loud.
"Why do I have to go through it again and fucking again?!
"Just WHY?!".
"Why can't I forget you?" he said between his sobs. He was talking to himself but hoping that she would hear him and answer him and engulf him in her warm embrace.
But he knew, he very well knew that would never happen...she was gone..a long time ago but he still couldn't move on from her.
"Why didn't I do anything to save you?".
"Why do I see you in him?" .
"Why did he get attacked?".
"Why am I miserable all fucking over again?!". He screamed.
It was 3 am and no one was in the bighit building except for the security at the front gate, which gave yoongi freedom to let all of his emotions out. The security would probably think it's a cat or something.
Yoongi was confused. There were many questions that he had but the million dollar question was, Why did he have to fall all over again? Why NOW? When he was getting better, approaching a slightly better place.
At first he thought to himself, its fate...its life. You really can't fight it but rather go along with it. But now he believed only one thing.
"It's my fault, isn't it?". He said with a small laugh
"It's me...I couldn't save you, I let jimin get attacked, I'm letting the dark thoughts take over me again. I. ME! The fucking problem is me!". Yoongi screamed as he punched the tiled floor.
"It's me..." he whispered as he cried.
"It's me..".
The pale, distressed and hurting, boy curled up into a ball and his body shook as he sobbed and internally prayed for the buzz and confusion in his head to stop.
He begged for his mind to give him a moment, just a second of peacefulness. His heart was hurting and filled with shame as he remembered all his failures. But what broke into a million pieces again and again, every time he thought about it, was the fact that he was solely responsible for the death of the love of his life ...at least that is what he made himself believe.
The oldest rapper fell asleep in his world of pain, hurt and confusion but what he didn't realize was that his only Hyung was standing right outside his studio the entire time.
_____________________
The questions i scream
Out loud in sobs
But they are still asked in my dreams
Following me in mobs.
_____________________
Why?
Simple
Because you deserve it....
A/N: its quite a short chapter so apologies for that but if I get the desired part of the plot line / story in a short amount of words then I let it be, no point in putting useless info for making it long for the sake of it being long..sry this was so random lol.. and yeah so I hope you enjoyed! Will update soon! And Ik this is very late but pls pray for the victims of the fire in the amazon rainforest..may we be able to save our home in time..before global warming kills us all and also please pray for the victims of Hurricane Dorian. If you are one of the victims of either of the calamities...be strong and my wishes are with you...i hope you and your family make it through safe and sound. Have a good day or night :)! Anneyong! Stay safe and strong! Love ya'll! Fighting!
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Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)
General FictionBeing an idol isn't something easy anxiety and depression are old friends.. The past holds a dark secret what happens when it's too much to suppress and fake? what happens when the dark side takes over? what happens when your demons start rising...
