Lost myself // yoonmin ( m.yg • BTS)

10 - It's the little hints

"Grief is not as heavy as guilt, but it takes more away from you."

YOONGI POV

Bangtan boys.

They were the reason I had finally forgotten my demons. They were the reason I was able to put them in a cage and lock them away. And although, they hadn't left me or my mind, they had been under my control.

I was trapped in my own bubble of insecurities and fears. I was trapped in my world of masks and pretending, when I first auditioned and got selected to be a part of Bangtan. 

But as the group became complete with all 7 members and we started training and bonding as a family, I started to overcome everything the past had chained me with. I started understanding the need and felt the desire to fight and get better.

And although, every single one of them had directly and indirectly helped me, it was Park Jimin who stood out from day one.

Park Jimin was the one who had approached me first, during our trainee days. He was the first one to have the courage to come up to me and start a conversation that didn't involve burning replies and cold death glares.

When I had first met him, a feeling of a known warmth had inundated me. As we spend more time together I felt as if I had seen those eyes disappear when he would smile.

Like I had heard the cute way he would complain when Kookie wouldn't call him 'Hyung'. Like I had felt the way his laugh would lighten my heart before. Like I had seen the way he'd laugh until he would fall.  Like I had known him before this.

He was, still is, completely opposite to me. He was outgoing, bubbly, adorable, this beautiful light of hope...a ray of purity and serenity. And I was this person that radiated discomfort, fear, coldness, ignorance.

But that's why I got better. He balances me out. Like adding base to an acid to neutralize it.

I didn't even realise when my thoughts went from one place to another. We had all gathered in the living room to view the creations that were the WINGS short films.

Today had been the release of the last short film 'AWAKE'. And so we'd all decided to watch all the short films together today.

We had been watching Jimin's 'LIE' short film when my mind decided to take a trip down memory lane. Just seeing him so mysterious yet innocently oblivious to everything, set off this stream of thoughts.

"Hyung?". A voice broke me out of my thoughts as I turned to look at the person who called me.

"Hmm", I hummed in response to Jungkook.

"Didn't it take you like 20 tries to break that glass with that bottle?", Jungkook asked giggling weirdly.

I looked back at the screen, the same screen I had spaced out watching, and saw my short film paused. It clicked me what Jungkook was talking about.

"Ah Yes! But to be honest it was the stupid bottle's fault that it took us so long to finish that scene," I said remebering the tiring day it was when we shot that scene.

We all laughed as Hoseok played the short film again. We all watched the rest of the short films intently all the while making comments and pausing again and again, as the funny stories about the filming were remembered and shared.

As Jin's short film 'AWAKE' came to an end, he abruptly got up and proudly declared,

"No wonder my short film was the longest, I looked wayyy too handsome,".

We all laughed at our eldest Hyung who seemed very proud of himself and we clutched our stomachs from laughing so hard when the maknae line started imitating Jin from the short film.