Her Royal Badass|✔

28|

Ian Northridge
     
     "You are being unreasonable" Royalty yelled and I rolled my eyes. I really don't need more scolding right now, I am mentally exhausted.

      "How?" I asked with a small smirk and she sat down, her hand settling protectively on her belly. Made me remember the way Snow unconsciously does this every time. I felt like a jerk, a crazy jerk for wanting to take the baby away from her,  but I had no choice.

     "Seriously?. This girl confessed her love and the next best thing to do is to ignore her and ensure to come late from work. You are such a crazy person, you are deliberately hurting her" she said and I sighed.

      "Royalty. I'm sorry okay?. I am very sorry but there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't ask her to fall in love with me, I did everything wrong to her just so she could hate me, I demeaned her, insulted her, took her for granted. I'm confused, how did she even end up loving me?. I don't deserve it" I said and Royalty's gaze softened.

     "Ian. You can love her, no one will hold it against you. The dead is gone. She won't want you to be sad and unhappy, I'm sure she wouldn't want you to live in pain. Let go Ian, it's time to let her go." She said and I sighed.

  They make it sound so easy, like there's a button to press, if it was easy, I would have done it a long long time ago. I would have let her go, I would have held on to Snow with all of my heart, never letting her go, I would have thrown the past into a box and shoved it somewhere I'll never find it but it wasn't as easy as they make it sound. It wasn't so easy. My heart still wants to travel back in time, to hold Serena and maybe just say goodbye.

      "I'm gonna go home now. I'm not feeling too good" I said and packed my table. Royalty watched me as I packed up my stuff and gave me a small smile that showed that she understood me. That's exactly why I love her, she would never push me too fast. She would always give me the opportunity to fix things in my own time, even though she acts as a catalyst sometimes.

     "Don't punish Snow for what she didn't do baby. If you can't love her, then don't hurt her. Don't question her and don't be mean to her.  Give her time to get over you and be nice" she said and hugged me before leaving.

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    When I got home, Snow wasn't in and the fact that I knew she was with that son of a gun made me mad. Why exactly was I mad?, I didn't want her to love me right?, I want her to be happy without me, I want her to live the best of life without having to tend to the needs of an emotionally wrecked man, so why was it hurting?. Why was the fact that she would eventually move on, marry the man who obviously is smitten by her and have babies hurting so bad?.

    I decided to attribute it to envy. I was envious of the fact that she's going to be happy while I still nurse my wounds, it definitely must be envy and not the gut wrenching jealousy that I think it is.

    I pulled out Serena's journal and started flipping through the pages again. Some entries made me smile, some made my throat constricted but what was weird was that, I didn't cry when I reached the last entry. Yes, I hurt badly, my heart hurt so bad it manifested physically but no tears. I read over and over, trying to get the tears to come but none. It was almost as though I had gotten used to the pain. Almost as though I had gotten over her?.

   I didn't want to!, for some strange reason I didn't want to ever get over Serena, not now!. Not when I realized I had lost Snow. Getting over Serena right now would make matters worse cause there's only one reason why I would have gotten over her and that reason has found happiness with another man. It would hurt too much.