Saviour. 》 g.d.

16; Ms. Ashley?

'How are you today, Ms. Ashley?' The lady in the white, linen blouse asked me. 

She sat opposite me, her legs crossed over eachother. Her glasses rested at the tip of her nose, and she looked up from her black clipboard after checking if the name she just said, corresponded with the information on her papers. The woman didn't look too old, she was probably somewhere in her thirties. She had long, brown hair; it was probably dyed. She had it pinned up in a knot. Under her wide, black trousers, she wore basic, black pumps. She looked way too formal. Too impersonal. This whole building was too impersonal. I felt like every single second I spent in here was making me go even more insane. 

She was staring at me, waiting for me to answer. Not once did she blink, or move her eyes away from me. Like I was the only thing in the room. And the thing that scared me the most, was that I was the only thing in the room. There were no plants. No tables. No decorations. No artwork. No furniture. No information booklets. No other, potentially dangerous objects. Just two chairs, four walls, a floor and a ceiling. And everything was disturbingly white. 

'Ms. Ashley?'

The voice startled me. I couldn't sense the tiniest bit of emotion in her tone.

'I'm fine.' I told the woman.

Not once did she make an eyemovement. As if I was facing a robot. I felt like getting up and walking around, just to get a reaction out of her.

'Do you know why you're in here?' was her next question. I thought about it for a second. I honestly thought about it, eventhough the answer was clear. Every single event from the past few weeks replayed in my mind. Every moment that had sent me here. I knew my life hadn't been going down the right path, but not once did I envision myself ending up in here. This was how far it had come.

'Yes, but not exactly.' I answered. The woman finally moved her head, from leaning it to one side to leaning it to the other side. I bit down on my lip, still avoiding her eyes. 'That's okay. Sometimes there's more than one reason as to what led you to be here, and that's completely okay.' Her voice sounded soothing, however I still couldn't detect any empathy. I fiddled the edges of my dress. 

I went from one hospital dress to another hospital dress.

'Tell me, Ms. Ashley,' She kept repeating my second name. 'what do you think, is the direct reason as to why you're in this room with me, right now.' She asked me, calmly. I made eyecontact with her, and none of us looked away for a while. I thought of the incident on the dock, yesterday evening. Although I could hardly recall any details, I remember the arms around me, and the metal pipe, me screaming. The emotions.

'I hurt a friend.' I let go of the words, feeling some sort of hollow feeling take over me. Saying it out loud meant that it was true. This was who I'd become; a danger to others. That box was ticked off on my form. This is who I was now, it was like the deepest evil inside of me had surfaced, and taken ahold of my mind, and therefore, me. I felt like I'd lost control over who I was. I was just drifting further and further away from a normal and healthy life. And I had drifted even further away from the people that cared about me. I had lost them. I'd ruined everything.

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END