Noyade | Rabastan Lestrange [2] ✔︎

23 | TEARS

Gently, Phoenix tapped the clean cloth against Jack's face, which still made him flinch. He looked awful. Bruises had started to form where Rabastan had managed to hit him and he spotted small wounds near both of his green eyes, which watched her with a tired look.

"I never thought he would be capable of doing anything like this. I'm so sorry, Jack," Phoenix told him, placing the cloth on her bed, which he was sitting on.

She dipped two fingers into the healing potion in a small jar and put it on the grazes. He offered her an exhausted smile.

"It's not your fault."

"Still, he had no right to treat you like that." She paused, placing her hands in her lap and looking at the young man in front of her. "I've never seen him like that. It's like he was a totally different person."

"Maybe he was," Jack breathed, lowering his gaze to his hands.

Phoenix tilted her head and asked softly, "What do you mean he was?"

"It's not my story to tell. I figure if anyone gets that, it's you," Jack answered.

She slowly nodded, though trying to think of all the different things he could mean by that statement. Obviously there was something going on with Rabastan that he hadn't yet told her – beside his mental health issues. It gave her the feeling that he believed it to be even worse than those struggles, if that was possible.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Phoenix washed the cloth in a bowl of water. It was awkward to have Jack sit on her bed with her sitting in front of him on a chair, their legs touching when either of them moved them a little. To top it off, Jack wasn't talking, but rather kept staring at the floor, obviously lost in his own thoughts. Did he blame himself like she often did?

"May I ask you something?" Phoenix placed the bowl back on the floor.

Jack's green eyes met hers as his gaze found hers again, "Sure. What is it?"

"What did you mean when you told Rabastan that you didn't want him to become like you?" Phoenix inquired hesitantly and added quickly, "You don't have to tell me, if you don't feel comfortable, of course."

He ran a hand through his chin-long brown hair and sighed. For a brief second he closed his eyes and nodded.

"I guess you deserve my honesty," he told her and took a deep breath. "Remember how I told you I wasn't in the best place after Lyria died and got onto the wrong path?"

Phoenix nodded.

"Well, all I wanted was to numb the pain and not to remember. I didn't care at what cost. I turned to alcohol, but it only helped for so long. The pain kept coming back too quickly and I just couldn't take it." Jack looked at his hands, but Phoenix was still able to feel his pain and watched him run his palm over his eyes. "Somebody offered me drugs during that time and my dumbass, of course, said yes. At first it was Muggle drugs, but then I discovered something else."

He paused again and Phoenix gently grabbed one of his hands. "It's okay. You don't have to tell me."

Jack ran his sleeve over his eyes and looked back up at her, the glimmer of tears evident in his eyes. It broke Phoenix' heart to see him like that and feel his pain. She knew that she didn't like him the way she liked Rabastan, but he had still become one of her close friends over the past few months.

"No, you deserve to know, even if you'll think I'm crazy after I tell you," the young man told her, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

Immediately Phoenix shook her head and squeezed his hand. "I could never think you're crazy, Jack."

He bit his lip and squeezed back, taking another shaky breath. "I spent more than a year at a facility like St. Mungos being treated for demon blood addiction." A tear rolled down his cheek, which Phoenix softly brushed away. "I'm fine now, but Rabastan is standing right where I stood three years ago when everything started to go to crap. It destroyed my life, Phoenix, and I can't let his life be destroyed as well. I can't fail another person."

Phoenix' eyes were stinging with tears as she stood from her chair and sat down next to him on the bed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her head against his neck. She felt him tremble with silent sobs. He trusted her enough to be vulnerable around her, but she didn't know how to ease his pain – nor had she known that demons actually existed. Maybe she simply had to be there, just like with Rabastan.

"He's like a little brother to you, isn't he?" she asked softly, feeling how he leaned his head against hers.

"Yeah, we're only cousins, but we've always been close, especially so since he came asking me for help nearly five years ago," he admitted. "I can't watch another person I care about get hurt without me being able to help."

"I didn't know you were cousins," Phoenix told him, trying to direct his thoughts elsewhere.

"His mother is my father's sister."

The evening had grown late and the recent events had made both of them tired. As Jack wasn't in the best state she convinced him to lay down on her bed for a while, assuring him that the sheets had been freshly changed that morning and that she'd wake him up, though knowing that she'd rather let him sleep and look for an unoccupied bed in a guest room. He opposed only with a few sententces before agreeing and when Phoenix silently closed the door behind her, he was already about to fall asleep.

Phoenix' mind, however, was racing. A million questions and thoughts wouldn't let it come to rest and she found it easier to look after the children – Elle was amongst them – who had dozed off on the couch, than to talk to any adults. She sat on the far end of the soft fabric and gently ran her hand through Elle's light hair. While her brothers had been good with words, she had always enjoyed the company of children, which her mother saw as rather pleasing, as she was expected to have some herself in a few years. But did she really want that? Maybe, but she couldn't see herself married to Jack. She liked him, a lot, but not like that. She didn't wish to start a family with him or even just kiss him.

She grabbed a glass of firewhiskey and took a large sip. The liquid burned at the back of her throat and she placed it down in disgust, remembering what the alcohol had turned Rabastan into. A sigh passed from her lips and she scanned the room with her eyes. It had started out as such a great evening, but had turned into a disaster. She wanted to be mad at Rabastan, and she kind of was, but at the same time it conjured up the image of his blue eyes filled with tears.

It made her heart break over and over again and in that moment she realised that she would do anything to make that boy's eyes glimmer with joy again. To see him happy.

Anything.