Noyade | Rabastan Lestrange [2] ✔︎

59 | FOREVER YOURS

Phoenix and Rabastan were the first ones to arrive back at Lestrange Manor. The girl almost ran through the foyer and up the stairs, trying to avoid a confrontation because he was the only one who understood what she had proposed at the meeting.

However, she wasn't fast enough, as Rabastan caught her wrist and pushed her against the wall of the corridor on the upper floor, pinning her there. Although all she wanted him to do was hug her, she looked up at him defiantly.

The shock in his eyes was instantly replaced with anger. "So, you're fully capable of understanding that what you presented will most likely kill you?"

"Yes, of course, I am."

"Why? How did you come up with such an idea as giving up your life in this mission? What are you trying to achieve? I thought you weren't even sure this was the right thing to do," Rabastan said, his eyes searching hers for a possible answer.

Phoenix looked down. Who was she to ask him to live while she was so willing to give her life for this cause? But this was different. She wasn't throwing her life away as he had been.

All of a sudden, Rabastan let go of her, taking a few steps back. "You're working for them."

He basically spat the last word, his face covered with realisation and hurt. Up to this moment, it hadn't even crossed her mind that her decision could hurt him in any way. But of course, it did. She had decided to stand on the side he was not on. He felt betrayed.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"You can't go back now. You've chosen your side. He'll hunt you down and kill you if he finds out," Rabastan argued, his voice rising with every word he spoke.

Phoenix' eyes started to burn. She had never actively fought with Rabastan like this and she hated to stand on opposing sides. She hated the knowledge that his anger and hurt was directed towards her when all she wanted was to keep the ones she loved save. How couldn't he see that?

As a tear spilt from her eye she choked out, "But how am I supposed to stand behind that decision if it's so clearly wrong?"

"Wrong? I thought having everything we ever wanted would be everything but that," Rabastan countered. Although he was basically the only one she was unable to sense the feelings of, she knew that he took her decision personally. And that wasn't what she had ever wanted.

"But how can we justify that everyone else gets hurt just so we can live a glorious life?" Phoenix answered, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I can't justify working for the side that will one day hunt down my niece, my family, and slaughter that little innocent girl like an animal. How can I work towards a world where she will never be accepted because of something she can't control, her blood status? This is all kinds of wrong and I can't believe how long it took me to realise this."

"And what about us, the ones on the other side? Will you just let them slaughter us instead?" Rabastan yelled.

With a shake of her head,  Phoenix took a step towards him. "Of course not. I'll only help them arrest people. Killing is against the law and the Aurors won't kill anyone. Dumbledore promised to be lenient on those I care about, though."

"And you believe him? Love, that man is nothing but a liar."

"If this is all I can get as a chance to make things right, I'll take it rather than going on supporting the murder of innocents," Phoenix said, her voice slowly calming down.

Rabastan stood with his shoulders hunched on the other side of the corridor. His head was slightly bent and she couldn't see his face but right then she heard him sniff and he looked up at her with  tears in his eyes. "I just can't bear the thought of losing you. Nothing in the world is worth you being gone."

Quickly Phoenix crossed the distance between them and closed her arms around his torso, hugging herself tightly to him. And as he hugged her back she knew exactly what he felt like although her powers couldn't reach into him. She remembered what she had felt like when she had thought she had lost him, like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. She never wanted to feel like that again and neither did she want him to.

"You won't lose me." Gently she cupped his face with her hands, brushing the tears from his face. "I will always be right here by your side."

"You won't leave me? You'll stop before the spell consumes you?" Rabastan asked, another tear spilling from his eyes. His voice was so full of fear and sorrow. How could she cause him any more pain when he had suffered all his life?

"I promise. I'll always be right here."

This time it was Rabastan who pulled her towards him. He leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was different from the one earlier in front of the Malfoy Manor. It was full of desperation and longing, and it tasted of salt from both their tears.

★

My heart is forever yours.

Phoenix let out a shaky breath as she set down the feather after writing down the last word of the letter. The words on the parchment indicated that her hand was trembling since it was barely readable. Still, she had poured her whole heart into it, even spilling tears over it.

Sniffing, she brushed the tears from her cheeks and turned her head to look at the bed. The light of the candle next to her danced on Rabastan's naked chest. His lower half was covered with his white bedsheets but she still felt the heat rise up in her cheeks at the thought of what their kiss had turned into. Without any warning, another sob ragged her body. What if this was the last time she would sleep in his arms? What if those letters would really be her last words? Was all of this worth it?

She buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. It was an impossible choice. She had loved ones on either side of the war and some of them would get hurt either way. There was only the option to keep the damage as small as possible. But could she take the risk of dying and leaving Rabastan to the darkness? Because although she didn't really know what his celestial powers consisted of, she knew that there was a demonic side in him that was far more dangerous. Whenever it caught hold of his mind he would black out and when he came to something had happened that he could never take back. There was no way she could let him fight the darkness alone.

Phoenix didn't plan to die but she wanted to be prepared if anything were to happen.