Noyade | Rabastan Lestrange [2] ✔︎

28 | PROMISE

It wasn't until Phoenix and Rabastan stood in front of the closed doors to the Hospital Wing that the latter allowed his fear to flicker through his cold demeanour. The tears of pain and fear had cleared out of Phoenix' grey eyes and as she turned towards Rabastan, she witnessed how his expression changed. His features softened and a vulnerable look took the mask's place, his shoulders slouching. His blue eyes were filled with helplessness when he finally turned to face her and her heart became even heavier.

Despite all his efforts to make all of his friends hate him, she still couldn't shake the kind of effect his eyes had on her. Even when she was supposed to despise him for his behaviour, she found herself go back to how things had been half a year earlier, when he finally showed his emotions.

And just like that she couldn't stop herself from putting her arms around him.

It was like they were time travelling back to Christmas when he returned the gesture, closing his arms tightly around her torso, like she was the rock keeping him from floating away in a river. His breath touched her neck as he confessed, "I can't lose him. What if he's not coming back this time?"

Phoenix pulled away from him, cupping his face with her hands. Only then did she realise how full of desperation his eyes actually were. She even thought they had changed from an icy blue to a darker shade, if that was even possible.

He finally opened up.

She gave him a firm look, although her heart was caught up in fear just like his was. "He'll come back. He's made it to the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey and her assistant know what they're doing. They're basically miracle workers."

Rabastan turned away, throwing his hands in the air. "I know, but I feel so helpless. I'm standing out here emptying out my heart in your face while I should be in there, helping my brother."

"You told me yourself that we couldn't help him." Phoenix watched him worriedly. How was it possible that he only ever shared his negative emotions every once in a while, but no positive ones? It seemed like only those emotions were strong enough to break through his mask. "Please, you worrying won't do him any good."

"Oh, and for you it's totally fine to care?" he snapped, clenching his hands into fists. "Because you're his fiancée?"

"No, I-" she started, not knowing how to answer. Rabastan confused her, to say the least. In one second he showed her his vulnerability and in the next he yelled at her. And she couldn't pretend that his yelling didn't hurt her. "You know what? Yes, he's my fiancé and I'm supposed to care about him. I didn't say you couldn't do so either. I just wanted you to calm down."

Rabastan laughed humourlessly. "You know I'm so tired of people treating me like I'm made out of glass. That's what I used to like about you. You didn't yell at me like Jack did or try to fix me like Reg. You were just there, going through all that shit with me, by my side. But now you're just like them." He gestured with his hand towards her. "I wish you could see the look of pity you're giving me right now. I'm not going to break just because you're saying the wrong thing, okay?"

"But I'm still there. If you'd only talk to me-" Phoenix wanted to assure him, but he wouldn't have it, punching the wall with his left hand. She gasped.

"Don't you see it? I don't want you there. Without you I felt like there was some part of me missing, but I'm fine now. I don't need anyone to help me out of my mess. I don't want anyone to get involved in it." He pressed his hands against his blonde hair. "How many times do I have to hurt you until you finally get it?"

Somehow his words made anger boil inside of her. Of course she knew that it was simply the worry about Jack taking control of him, but she just couldn't help it. She felt her skin heat up, as she poked a finger against his chest. "Do you really think that's all there is to you? You're nothing but a mess? A person who doesn't deserve to be loved by anybody?"

"You loved me?" he asked all of a sudden, his eyes wide and his voice calm, the opposite of what it had been before.

The question shocked Phoenix to a point where she almost stumbled backwards. She hadn't meant to indicate any of that, but there was no way out of it after saying it out loud. She answered, "Maybe. I honestly don't know because I've got no bloody idea what love feels like."

The expression on Rabastan's face was completely unreadable. Phoenix felt her shoulders sag a little. She didn't know what she had expected, but deep down she had hoped that the prospect of her being in love with him would have caused a little more of a positive reaction. Maybe she had even wished to have Rabastan tell her that he loved her too.

She swallowed. "Anyhow, even if I'm marrying another man, I won't just go away and leave you to fend for yourself. That's not what friends do. I honestly don't know why I still see you as a friend, considering your behaviour towards me over the course of the past few months. Still, I care about you. So, quit being so stupid. We're in this together. If you want it or not. Okay?"

Something changed in his eyes and Phoenix thought she saw hope flare up in them, but then he lowered his head. His voice was barely a whisper when he asked, "Promise?"

"Promise."

She couldn't help it. Rabastan seemed to be her weak spot although she knew all too well that it would be a though road. Still, they would be there when Jack woke up and they would sort out their messes.

Together.