Noyade | Rabastan Lestrange [2] ✔︎

45 | I COULDN'T

Luckily Cara Zabini hadn't been seriously hurt by Phoenix' emotional outburst. Of course, she had been given detention and had been the one to clean the allegations about herself from the wall. Despite the hours spent in Filch's presence being far from interesting, they had allowed her time to think. Mostly she had tried to figure out how to approach Maureen after what she had done to her sister, which was closely followed by thoughts about how to deal with Rabastan. Nonetheless, she hadn't come to a conclusion.

Tired and with her hands covered in blisters she stepped through the hidden passageway after her fourth evening of detention. Her eyes scanned over the Common Room. Most students had already gone to bed and there were only a few left reading near the crackling fire or playing games at the tables in the back. In the very far corner, she caught a glimpse of Maureen's pink hair.

The young witch had a textbook opened in her lap but it was more than obvious she wasn't paying attention to her studies. Instead, she was nibbling on her fingernails and staring at the pages, deep in thought. Tentatively Phoenix walked towards her. They hadn't had an opportunity to talk about what had happened with Cara since Maureen had been avoiding her. Phoenix understood that she was shaken up by it, although the two sisters had never really been on good terms, but she missed her best friend terribly. Having her brother around again was one thing, but there still was nothing like a best friend.

"Would you mind if I sit here and read for a bit?" Phoenix asked, her voice soft and cautious.

Maureen's head snapped upwards and her widened eyes met the young witch's gaze. She swallowed and slowly nodded. "Sure."

There was something different between them. It seemed like Maureen was a million miles away but Phoenix was unable to cross the distance. No matter what she said she wouldn't be able to reach her. So she did as she had said, she opened her copy of Wuthering Heights. Every now and then she glanced at the pink-haired girl, reading the same sentence over and over again. It was an unknown situation for both of them. Of course, they had bickered and fought every once in a while since they had met in their first year but there had never seemed to be a wall between them. They had always made up within a few hours. Only this time the girls hadn't fought. Phoenix had made a mistake. Like she had feared all along, she had lost control and no matter how badly she wanted to go back in time and do it all differently, there was no way to take it back. If only it hadn't been her best friend's sister who had suffered from her emotional outburst, even if she had been the one provoking it.

It felt like a stone being lifted from her lungs when Maureen cleared her voice and said, "Rabastan has requested that Dam and I visit him, you know?"

"He did?"

The stone lifted from her lungs had forcefully been shoved into her stomach. To say that Phoenix felt hurt was an understatement. Why would he ask Maureen and Damian to visit him while Regulus and she had been the ones to save his life? Unless...

Maureen nodded and closed her book, "Yes, he did. I'm having this bad feeling that he wants to say goodbye. I mean, Reg and you already visited him after it happened but Dam and I never got the chance. Rodolphus said he isn't yet ready to see you and your brother because he can't stand the fact that you saved his life. Doesn't this prove that he still doesn't want to live?"

"I haven't said goodbye either," Phoenix admitted, ignoring her question as it hurt too much to even think about the possibility of Rabastan dying. Drawing in a deep breath, she ran her hands over her eyes to stop them from tearing up. The lack of energy didn't do her emotional state any good. When she continued her sentence it almost sounded like a hiccup. "What if he had died, Maureen? I was so focused on saving him. I didn't even bother saying goodbye. He can't die. I don't think I could take it."

Almost immediately Maureen was out of her seat and sitting next to her best friend, putting her arm around her. She softly rocked her back and forth as both of them needed the other one's comfort. "I can't imagine what you must be feeling. With Will, it all was so permanent. I mean, I felt like life couldn't go on after he had passed away. I just wanted to cry in my bed all day. But at least I knew that he wouldn't come back although I desperately wanted him to. Rabastan is here but not really." Maureen's voice cracked slightly. "But we'll get him back. We have to."

"I'm so sorry, you know? About what happened with Cara. I never meant to hurt her. Well, at least not the way I did. I just couldn't let her spill the beans about what has happened to him. I couldn't," Phoenix admitted, her eyes cast towards the floor.

She felt Maureen's arms loosen from around her as she scooted away from her as if she had just remembered why she had kept away from her best friend.

There was a minute of silence until Maureen whispered, "You could have killed her, Nix."

"I know and I'm so, so sorry. I'd never want that," Phoenix answered, running her sleeve under her eyes.

And there it was again – the wall between the two of them. Maureen went back to her previous seat and pulled her textbook onto her lap, staring at it for a moment before putting it away. Phoenix, on the other hand, fiddled with the hem of her jumper. "I'm really sorry."

"I forgive you," Maureen told her, getting up again with her textbook pressed against her chest. "I just need some time to think about a few things."

"Okay," Phoenix agreed and watched her best friend walk towards the stairs which lead to the dormitories.

With a sigh, she buried her head in her hands. Things would get better. They had to. Because things were falling apart and everything was just getting too much.

She couldn't take it anymore.