Making Her Fall

Chapter 17

     The tapping of my pencil easily covers up the sound of the teacher droning on. I could care less about what he was going on about right now because my mind was stuck on Zoe. Her ignoring me made me feel like shit. Her short answers and how she said we needed to talk made me feel even worse.

     I barely slept last night because I kept trying to figure out what I was going to say to her and what she planned on saying to me. None of the conversations in my head ended well. A few of them ended up with me getting hit or slammed through a table. I was in a relationship with her and I almost ended up kissing another girl. Alcohol would not be my excuse.

     Amber was an entirely different matter right now. For a brief time I honestly thought I was over her and then I saw her at the Halloween party. Her outfit was beyond hot, but the way she looked at me that night made my knees weak. Her touch was totally different from Zoe's.

     What was the plan now? Break up with Zoe to chase Amber and live happily ever after? Life was never that simple and there was a problem with the fact Amber was also ignoring me. I also did not want to be that guy to just break up with someone who did nothing wrong. I would hate to use the stupid phrase, 'It's not you. it's me."

     "Alright, that is enough for today. Your homework will be in your Portal and it is due by midnight Sunday night. Class dismissed." The professor's voice pulled me out of my head enough for me to check the time. If I left right now I would get to Zoe's just a few minutes early so that would be smart. I sling my bag over my shoulder hurrying out the door.

     "Wait up Jayden!" I spin around halfway to see my classmate Michelle trying to catch up. Her light blonde hair bounced all over the place as she half ran towards me. It took her a moment to gather herself when she got beside me. "So word is that you are having troubles with your girlfriend."

     I raise an eyebrow at her wondering if Zoe had been saying something. "How exactly did you hear that?" My tone came off a little more aggressive that I had planned, but I hate when people put their nose in my business.

     "Well a few girls have noticed that the two of you haven't spent anytime together lately and she won't even come around waiting for you after class." She flipped her hair to the other side before stepping in front of me making me stop. "So, is it true? Are you ready for a new girl in your life?"

     I let out a pent up breath glaring at her. Her innocent flirty tone managed to piss me off when I am already dealing with enough shit. "What makes you think I want a new girl?" I try to keep my voice low and even, but it still sounds like a growl.

     "Oh come on. Girls are lining up waiting for their chance to have you. A lot of them think they are good enough to make you forget about that Amber girl and most of us have heard how good of a lover you are." Michelle took a step closer to me letting her nail glide down my chest towards my stomach. "What do you say Jayden? I could be your woman."

     My knuckles turns white gripping my bag as I stared at her. I reach out pulling her hand away from me before dropping it away from me. "First of all, I don't know what the hell you are talking about with Amber. Second, what happens between me and who I am dating is none of your damn business. Third, I don't date girls just to screw them. I am not going to indulge your fantasy thinking you can spread your legs and hold me down."

     I quickly brush past her leaving her red faced with her mouth left hanging open.  I am steaming on my way to my truck checking my phone again. That girl used up too much of my time so I have to hurry to make it to Zoe's on time. Michelle made it sound like I was constantly going to different girls over and over when I had only dated three girls in my college life. So what if I had dated two of them this year.

     I get lost in the parking lot looking for my truck because I forgot to look where I parked when I was late this morning. I breath a sigh of relief when I actually find it making a run for it. I ripped open the door tossing my bag inside before jumping up to my seat. I just hope traffic isn't bad today.

     I thought getting to Zoe's on time would be relieving, but I felt like I was in a whirlwind. I head towards the steps gripping the guard rail taking a second to gather myself. I take the steps two at a time bounding my way up to the second floor. My heart begins to race as I round the corner to face her door as stop.

     Sitting in the crack of the door is a envelope with my name on it. I yank it out then start beating on the door. "Zoe! I know you are mad at me, but please talk to me." I continue to yell like a madman until her neighbor comes out.

     "She isn't here. She moved out this morning so quit all that banging and yelling." She turns on her heel stomping back inside. I feel my head drop to the envelope in my hands before I start taking a walk back to my truck. I try calling her, but each call gets sent straight to voicemail. I make sure to slam my door shut after climbing into my seat.

     I sit staring at the envelope for a few minutes before turning it over. I pull out my pocket knife to slice it open fearing the words inside. My mind starts to race trying to find an explanation, but I can't come up with any. I pull together the nerve to pull out the letter unfolding it to read.

Dear Jayden,

I just want to start off saying I am sorry you have to read this instead of hearing me tell you. I wanted to just tell you what was going on, but I don't think I am strong enough to tell you face to face. I am transferring to another college closer to home so I can spend more time with my parents. This had been my place this whole semester.

I never told you because I honestly thought you would have ran me off a long time ago. I had a crush on you long before you became the hunk you are now.  I never thought in a million years that we would actually get together. I knew about your feelings for Amber all along.

But, when she set us both up that night I was ecstatic. You were everything I had hoped for and more. I always felt guilty for learning so much about you and never returning the favor. I loved watching you talk about your life and likes because you always had so much hope. I was scared that you would just leave if you knew I wasn't going to be around. 

I started to pull away before the Halloween party on purpose because I knew we didn't have long left. I should have enjoyed every last second I could instead of hiding. You were an incredible boyfriend Jayden. I guess that is why the Halloween party hurt so much.

I was outside to see you and Amber talking and when you started dancing together is when it really hit me. Your chemistry seemed so natural and in that moment I realized I was falling for a guy whose heart was already spoken for. You will soon hear girls talk about trying to date you to snatch you away from Amber and they want other things I may have let slip to a few girlfriends. I just hope you don't think of me poorly.

You were by far the best boyfriend I have ever had and I wish I was better. I do not want you chasing after me Jayden. You belong to another and one day I hope I find someone who cares for me as much as you care for her. If it wasn't obvious when the two of you dance then it was when you went after Maxwell after hurting Amber.

Never stop fighting for what you want Jay. That is what makes you special.

                                                                                                                                                     Zoe

     I let the letter fall in the seat beside me as my head hits the steering wheel. I slam my hand into the dash over and over while tears build up in my eyes. It would be so much easier if she just screamed at me and told me to piss off. Zoe had to be the smart one explaining everything that was so obvious to her just because that is who she is. She was hurting because of me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

     Tears finally start to fall from my face while I sit in this empty truck. I don't know exactly why I am crying. Relief? Sadness? Guilt? I do everything I can to pull myself together, but it all fails. I just sit there letting the tears fall in my lap waiting for it to end.