ғɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐬

005. connor

Connor Murphy sat on his bed, hunched over forwards, staring at the orange sedative bottle in his hand. God, it would be so easy.

And yet, he just sat and stared.

A silent anger bubbled in him that was ready to burst. No one was home—no one was ever home whenever he planned to do it. But he never pulled through.

He was such a coward.

And just like that, something inside of him exploded, and Connor stood up and punched the wall. He exclaimed in blind fury but threw his fist against the door once more. Again. Again. Again.

Not caring that he was about to break his knuckles, Connor continued to throw punch after punch. He let out a scream as hot, angry tears blurred his vision, threatening to leak. A single warm tear ran down the bridge of his nose, seeming to wake him up from his trance of rage and slow down his punches. Connor blinked rapidly, allowing more tears to spill.

His fist moved slower and slower until his punches became weak slaps. Connor pressed his forehead against the wall, his breaths uneven. He whimpered, then turned around so his back was pressed to the wall, and slid down onto the floor.

Cradling his hand, Connor peered through his lashes to observe his knuckles. They were purple with fresh bruises. A humorless chuckle left Connor's lips.

He looked up and spotted the discarded drug bottle on the floor. Connor rolled it closer with his foot and picked it up with his hand, tiredly examining its label. His own thoughts were louder now. They seemed to overlap.

—do it now. Now, do it now—

—disappointed in you. Punching walls and swearing you'd kill Zoe every other fucking week—

—wasting their money on rehab and therapy when you only seem to get worse—

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

—what's wrong with you? Just take them, now—

—a burden. You're the disappontment child. They had Zoe to make up for—

—not hurting anyone. You're not hurting anyone. You're not hurting anyone—

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

—now, dammit, do it now—

—think you're a freak, anyway. They're right. They wouldn't even notice if you were gone—

—wouldn't even miss you, they'd be glad—

—more times will you hesitate? Enough stalling—

Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.

Connor's eyes narrowed angrily. Just the quiet sound of his phone vibrating was enough to set him off again. He exclaimed in frustration as he threw the bottle against the wall, ripping his phone out of his back pocket. Notification after notification took up his screen. Connor's expression of anger morphed into one of bafflement. He tapped onto one of the notifications.

Evan.Hansen
No
Please
Dont do it please dont
Oh my god
Please talk to me
Please
Please
Hello???
Is anyone there???
Please
I'm begging you please repwond
I'm freakin g out
You dont deserv e this please odnt do this to yourslef
You dont knwo me btud I knwo you
I odnt kno w what ot do oh my god
Pelase oh my gofd gok ymg od
Please is this ka joek
Youn dont dreserve this

c.murphreak
hey

—

zoe: hey everybody today my brother pushed me so i'm starting a kickstarter to put him down

zoe: the benefits of killing him would be i would get pushed way less