ғɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐬

022. evan & alana

Evan.Hansen

Hello! Long time no chat!

c.murphreak
oh hey

Evan sat criss-cross applesauce on his bed, hunched over with his eyes trained on the bright screen of his cellphone. His thumbs twiddled aimlessly, hesitantly hovering over the keyboard. The poor flustered boy twisted his face into a pained expression — an expression Alana dubbed as "strangely... uncomfortable" in her head.

Alana swiveled back around in her chair to face Evan's desk, immediately returning to her work. She had hoped that if she gave her project partner a push towards figuring out his problem, he would be able to focus on the task. Instead, Evan only seemed to be stuck again. Alana shook her head and sighed as Evan broke the silence with a string of distressed, incoherent grumbles.

She supposed she should have been used to it by now. Alana didn't necessarily mind doing all the work in group projects. She knew that she understood the material the best out of her peers. Alana didn't mind. Right? As long as she got straight As. Right?

Alana told herself it was fine. She knew she was smart. Driven.

Lonely.

She probably should have been used to it by now. Alana told herself it wasn't necessarily a problem that people took advantage of her brilliance. Alana pushed through it. She pushed herself to be successful. She pushed Evan to talk to his friend. And despite everything, she eagerly pushed people to befriend her. Alana was a pusher. She talked with the returning students in the school halls as if they remembered her from the last school year. She gossiped with the student council kids outside of meetings as if they were her friends. She laughed with the band kids at lunch as if they wanted her there.

There was always that odd, tense energy in the air. Everyone would wear bright smiles, but Alana could sense that she was unwanted at every scene. She probably annoyed them. They probably just wanted her to leave.

She should have been used to it by now. Alana knew she was smart, driven, and lonely. Desperate for friends, she strategically jumped from person to person, making quick conversation before being gone in an instant. Alana couldn't help blabbering off, for she had a lot to say. She tried to avoid wearing people out by speeding through each conversation with lightning speed. Maybe she could feel like she belonged this way. There weren't many things Little Miss Perfect felt uncertain about, but Alana wasn't sure if this way of going about socializing was working.

Maybe she was doing everything right. Maybe it was her. Maybe she was just unlovable. Quickly trying to dismiss the thought, Alana shook her head, her lips twitching into a small, sad smile. She reminded herself not to be silly, but it wasn't that easy. Sometimes those thoughts just barged into her head without knocking.

Deciding she didn't want to be alone with her depressing thoughts, Alana spoke without looking at Evan. "Evan? Can you help me out with this after you finish up talking to your friend?"

Alana heard Evan's breathing hitch. Did he forget she was there? After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Y-yeah... Uh, just gimme a moment, sorry."

Alana nodded, mostly to herself.

Evan watched Alana slightly bob her head from behind. Crap. He zoned out for way too long. Glancing back down at his phone, Evan grimaced at Connor's unanswered text — well, Evan's lack of a response. What was he supposed to reply? Evan didn't really have anything to say. He just wanted to talk to Connor. He missed him. Evan felt frustration grow in his chest. Why'd he have to become attached to the poet? Of course he had to when someone gave him an ounce of attention.