never ever had I thought

Chapter 15

I don't have any words but cool. The bus is cool. 

The entree is made out of wood. And the driver's seat is pink and fluffy. Wonder if that was a prank on the driver. The next part is the living room. A huge grey Sofa is standing against one wall with a tv on the opposite side. Boardgames are laying in stacks, DVDs, records... It's all very modern but with a nice cozy twist making you feel home straight away. 

Moving on is the bed section. There bunk beds on each side. 4 beds in total, with curtains in front of them. One is pulled away, Shawns. His bed isn't made, and a shirt is laying on the it. The last part of the bus is the bathroom. It's black and white and bigger than I thought. There could easily be three people in here.

Now we're all sitting on the sofa, Blake between Shawn and I. 

''This is amazing! Do you live here?''. Blake asks. 

''I do most of the time. When I'm playing concerts in different places. But I also have a house here in Toronto''. Blake looks around still excited. 

''Is your house also amazing?''. I stop him, I don't want him to probe. 

''You don't ask people such questions Blake''. He does the thing with his mouth, making him look sad. 

''It's okay'' Shawn says. ''I love my house, or apartment, I can see all of Toronto from the balcony''. Blake is all cheered up again. 

''What do you do on your balcony?''.

''Drink coffee mostly''. 

Blake takes my hand ''My sister drinks coffee all the time! You should drink coffee on his balcony''. Extremely awkward about my brother inviting me for coffee on Shawn's balcony I just laugh. And it seems like Shawn's doing the same.

Half an hour later my dad calls. ''Hey baby, I need Blake in my office. Are you still in the bus?'' he asks. 

''Yeah we can go now''. I stand up. 

''Oh no, no, no!'' I take the phone away from my ear, so my eardrum won't burst. ''No need for that, he knows the way himself''. I sit down again. 

''After what just happened?''. It's not like my dad. 

''Yeah it's okay''. 

We sent Blake off the bus, not easy. We stand a little awkwardly in the entree. I break the silence ''I feel like I'm keeping you from doing something. I can go if you want to''. He takes a step to the right, closing the entrance. 

''No I'm not doing anything''. I can tell that he's lying. ''Not anything important. It can wait. Come on.'' I can see from his circles under his eyes that it can't. He leads me back to the couch and we sit the same places as before, so a small child could sit between us. It seems much closer now. 

I have an idea ''I can help you''. He gives me a smile and a confused look. 

''With what?''. 

''The thing you're not telling me. Use me as your personal assistant''. Andrew has been nowhere to see all day, so I guess I can take his job for an hour or two. 

''Okay, but it's a lot harder than it looks''. He gets up and finds a computer. He turns it on and finds a list. I don't get to see many words before Shawn closes the screen. 

''I just have to say something''. I look him in the eyes. We're sitting even closer now and even though he has been closer I feel my heart beat a little faster. 

''No one except my manager and I know that...''. 

''You can trust me'' I blur out. Are we back to saying stuff before thinking about them? Really? 

He just giggles. ''I know. What I was trying to tell you is that we're planning a tour''. 

''That's great. Congrats. Is that what we're doing now?''. He opens the computer again. 

''You can't tell anyone, till it's done''. 

''My mouth is closed''. The list is of the venues. Which is the only thing that is certain? We're missing routes, hotels, expenses... Shawn looks like he's about to lose hope. 

''If there's one thing I'm good at it's planning. We'll take it country by country'' I try comforting him. We start here in Toronto. The next couple of hours we write down EVERYTHING. He gives me names on everyone going with him on tour, working hours, payment,... He must really trust me, leaking all of this information. I could publish them and it would be a huge mess. I'm glad he knows I never would. 

We're close to being done with Canada and the U.S when Shawn closes the screen again. 

''We need a break''. That is true, and when we walk outside we both stop. It's getting dark, which means we've been sitting in there for a really long time. I look at my phone it's 8 pm. We go get coffee. We could have used the coffee machine on the bus, but we both need to get some fresh air. 

''Do you think Andrew will be mad at me?'' I ask Shawn as we're walking to our usual coffee spot. 

''Why would he be that?'' he yawns. 

''I'm doing his work. Are you sure it's okay with him?''. He had assured me at least once an hour that it was fine. 

''I think he's glad to have a night off. He has tons of work, so you're doing him a favor actually''. I must owe him about 20 dollars for all the coffee, he's always paying for me. It's only on the way back, I realize he has put his hood on. It's dangerously easy to forget how famous and popular he is. That's one reason we only go for coffee in the morning or night. Fewer people. He takes it off when we're getting close to set to look at me. 

''Jess, can I ask you for another favor?''. I nod, maybe a bit too fast. He looks straight ahead while asking 

''You're really talented in the whole planning organizing section. So I was just wondering if you...Or if you perhaps...If you'd like...''. I take a sip of coffee and almost spits it out of laughter. He's so cute when he's being shy. 

''Just say it, Shawn. The chances of me saying no are close to not even existent''. Now he's biting his lip again, holding back his laugh. Some would say that was flirting. I would call it not intentional flirting. 

''Okay, I wanted to ask you if you could take over for Andrew the next couple of days. Just till the weekend''. I must look like I'm about to say no because he continues. 

''He's having some family problems, and he hasn't had a day off in so long. But only if you want too. And it would only be the things that can't wait till next week...'' It doesn't look like he's going to stop. My mind and body are already agreeing on yes, so he doesn't have to convince me. I put my finger an inch from his lips, I'm close enough to feel his warm breath. 

''Yes. I would love too.'' 

I quickly put my hands around my coffee, afraid of being tempted to take his hand or anything. We talk about everything and nothing the rest of the way to the bus. What he remembers about my house, how I heard about him (Maddison) and I even tell him about Ali. We work a couple of hours more on the tour planning, I'm surprised my dad haven't called yet. Shawn's almost not awake anymore.

''It doesn't look like coffee helped much. When did you last sleep?'' He's leaning his head against the sofa and it takes him a whole minute to answer me. 

''The plane I think''. 

I know that is not true. ''No you didn't''. He turns his head a little to give me a smile. 

''The day before yesterday then''. 

''That I believe.'' 

I stare at nothing, myself exhausted. 

''I think we should get home''. 

But he's already sleeping. His head is tilted towards me, his breath steady and mesmerizing. I lay my head facing him, meaning to take a quick break before finishing the U.S part. My vision grows blurred and I surrender to the darkness.