never ever had I thought

Chapter 28

My legs are shaking when we step out of the ferris wheel. 

Literally shaking. 

And I don't think it's because of my fear of heights. I'm not sure how to talk to Shawn, or what I would say, after the thing that happened up there happened. I'm not even sure it actually happened. It could be my mind playing tricks with me or I'm finally going insane. 

I feel Shawn walking behind me and laying a hand on my shoulder so we won't get parted in the crowd. I don't notice which way I'm going, before Shawn turns us towards the parking lot. My mind is working at high pressure and so is my heart. Is this awkward? I guess I'm about to find out. I have no idea how far it is to his apartment, but I do know it's only the two of us in the car. Shawn is leading now, and I'm thankful for that, because then I just have to look at his feet and follow. He stops, I stop. I forget all about the awkwardness. ''That's a jeep!''

Shawn looks at me for the first time since the...the kiss. ''So you do talk!'' he holds the passenger door open for me. ''Did you know Jeeps are my favorite cars. Or they're on the same level as a Porsche SUV. Actually a Jeep is cooler''. I go on.

''Ever seen one from the inside? Get in''. 

I look at him. ''Bossy much?'' It just slips out of my mouth and I immediately shut it with my hand. He looks at me with awe. I took him by surprise. And myself. Then he just laughs and I quickly get in the white Jeep. He gets in besides me, but doesn't start the engine just yet.

Before he gets to ask the question I see painted in his face, my phone rings. Saved by the bell.

''Hey dad'' He sounds a little angry. But just asks if we have left yet. I tell him we have.

'Okay fine. Be careful. And you'll be home in a few hours okay?'.

''Okay. That's fine'' I tell him. I hope I can push it a little longer, it's only 9pm now.

'Jess? You could just go home with me now'. I frown.

I raise my voice ''No why?''

'It's just...Nothing. Just be careful and think'

What should I be worried about? ''Dad what's wrong?'' I ask.

'You're not thinking and you need to remember you're only 17...'' I cut him off. I don't need that crap on my birthday.

I hang up on him and I can't help but feel like he knows something I don't.

''Do you have alcohol at your apartment?'' I ask as we drive out of the parking lot.

''You really think I would throw a 17 year old a soda party? I was 17 once too''.

I lean back in my seat studying the car. ''It is a beautiful car. Look at the details!''

''It is'' Shawn says with a proud father like smile. I study the details closer and I'm about to make another compliment on the car, but Shawn just turn on the radio.

''You did that on purpose!'' I try to say, but my voice is almost drowned in some song. He nods and I don't know if it's meant for me or if he's rocking to the music.

''Do you always talk about cars when your nervous?'' he asks. Concerned.

''I'm not nervous. If I was nervous I don't think I would be talking about this handsome Jeep'' I ramble.

''I talk about furniture before I go on stage sometimes. A nervous reflex'' he says as he turns down the highway.

I laugh ''Why furniture?''

''We tend to talk about something that makes us feel safe. So the real question is 'Why cars?' Does cars make you feel safe?''

It's a good question. ''Driving has a calming feeling on me I guess. I don't know anything better than driving. Especially if it's towards...nowhere''

''So next birthday you want a road trip?'' Shawn teases.

I answer him truly excited ''I would love nothing more than a road trip! And you could sit in the back with your guitar and sing all your songs''. Now I'm getting really excited.

''If we're going on a road trip, I'm gonna drive. I can teach you to play my songs on guitar and I'll just sing''

''Hmmm, I'm really more of a piano kind of girl''. He rolls his eyes. 

''Kidding'' I say. A road trip with Shawn Mendes doesn't sound that bad.