The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

68-Silhouettes

I stayed inside the house in Brooklyn for maybe a week. I know it's horrible, okay? I really do. But what was I supposed to do? My brother, the only family I had, was gone. My best friend was dead. My husband? He abandoned his son and me. I have lost so much in this life. More than one person can handle. I only talked to Benjamin, but that barely counted as conversation. I didn't even look at Bucky. He was a piece of shit for not telling me and you cannot convince me otherwise. Steve stopped calling my phone, presumably because Bucky or Sam had told him to. Steven Grant Rogers was dead to me.

Happy took my son to school, picking him up every morning. I felt like a shitty mom because I couldn't take him but I just couldn't leave the house. I didn't want anyone to see me like this-hell I didn't want my son to see my like this. I couldn't handle it. The dark circles under my eyes got darker. I was barely eating. I wish I had some of my old vices to turn to, but I wasn't ready to stumble back into that dark world. Yes you are, just do it.

The government has been trying to get into contact with me, but all of those messages and calls have gone to Nick Fury instead. I was no longer director of the Avengers. There was no Avengers anymore. Thor was in space, Clint went back into retirement, Bruce fucked off somewhere to mourn Natasha and I didn't want to reunite the team. There was no need to. I did what I said I would do. I helped bring everyone back. They could all fuck off for awhile.

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I waited for my coffee to brew. The house was awfully quiet. Benjamin was at school and Bucky probably was visiting Steve or working out with Sam. The new Captain America told me that he was thinking about moving in, just to make sure I was doing okay. I think that's code for babysitting. I think it's safe to say that my family is worried about me. They're not being very subtle about it. Pepper constantly asked if I wanted to do brunch or if Benjamin and I wanted to come upstate to "breathe". Fury offered me a high ranking position. Sam (most likely told by either Happy or Steve) cleared out any alcohol that was in the house. Bucky always made sure that I ate something before he left. They were all waiting for me to shatter. I was waiting for it too.

And just like that, the little breakfast I had ate this morning reared it's ugly head and forced its way out of me and into the sink. I gripped the marble countertop as I puked it out. I couldn't keep anything down since Natasha and Tony died. Apparently, severe grief can cause nausea. I mean, that's what the psychiatrist told me. I washed the vomit away and washed my mouth out before grabbing my cup of coffee. I poured my creamer into mug, carefully stirring it before making my way back upstairs. I wrapped floral silk robe tighter around me, drinking the much needed caffeine.

I walked past Bucky's room, past Benjamin's. I was just about to walk into my bedroom when my feet stop. I turn to look at the closed door, the dust covering the handle. The knot in my throat tightened ever so slightly and I reached out, twisting the black knob. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. The light shone brightly through the window, illuminating the white crib and rocking chair. There was a dresser covered by white sheet. Old stuffed animals sat in the crib. The room smelled musty, but that makes sense since no one has been in here in over four years. I move to sit down in the dusty rocking chair, gripping my coffee cup.

"Steve, don't you think it's a little too early for this?" I ask, a smile on my face as I watch him move Benjamin's old crib into the extra room. We had just gotten Ben a new little bed and other furniture and Steve decided, since we had just found out I was pregnant, that we should be getting the nursery ready.

"Nope. I want to make sure everything is okay. See what we need." He tells me with a smile as he puts the crib into the position he wants. I lean against the door frame. He was so excited, so so excited. Steve smiles and walks over, leaning down to kiss me. I kiss him back, cupping his cheek. I was so happy. So happy.