We're broken people~ Adopted by Tyler Joseph

40~ sleep

A/n Tw in this whole chapter basically: self harm, suicidal thoughts

Some people love sleep, it's a way for their brain to relax. Sleep to me is an endless hell hole that won't stop until you cave in. Cave in to the tricks, the simple but yet deadly mind tricks that I've fallen for before. Fallen for and almost died from.

But time and time again it happens, I get better, then relapse worse then before. I'm scared if I relapse after basically killing myself I might actually die. Maybe I won't relapse after all. Right? I am getting better I think. Right?

Oh I'm so so far from fine.

I wake up roughly around 1:45am just like I always do. Mostly from all the nightmares I've been having recently. Have I told tyler? no. He has enough to worry about with Blurryface, why should he worry about me?

Like okay if he asks me if somethings wrong I'm not gonna hide it, but I'm not going to go out of my way to tell him.

Morning sunshine

I sigh in defeat as I realize who that is, the evil, yet calming voice that causes every bit of sadness inside me. That causes every single thought to take over my whole body.

"You aren't gonna ever leave me are you? The past few weeks have been great without your presence" I whisper, making sure I can't be heard by anyone else but myself.

I slowing get up from my bed and walk to my door. I proceed to lock it just incase something would happen and Tyler and Jenna woke up. If something would happen i could at least hide my mistakes before they could walk in.

Why hide yourself from them? If you are suffering atleast make them aware of it, they caused all of this to happen to you. They should pay for what they did.

"Caused what to happen neo? You being in my head? Because that's none of their doings, just me. I'm the reason I almost died."

The reason you almost died is because you are pathetic, useless and stupid. You are so easy to manipulate it's hilarious Crystal.

"Leave me the fuck alone, just get away. Find someone else to torture, Ive been fighting you for way to long"

Then stop fighting. Just give up. You know I will be here till the day you die, and hopefully that day comes soon.

"Tonight's not the night neo, leave me alone" I make my way to the bathroom attached to my room. I turn on one of the lights to look at my features.  The bags under my eyes are prominent, I've been covering them up for the past few days with concealer. Heavy bags and a tired, worn down body definitely don't make me wanna live any longer then I am. I slowly turn on the faucet making sure the noise isn't loud enough to wake them. I splash the cold water on my face and begin to think a lot more then I already was.

Numbness is all I've been feeling the past few days. Emptyness and numbness. There's something I've been missing that I just need. That if I fill that space I will be whole again. But I fear that need is something that could cost me my life.

I shut off the water and start to dry my face with a towel that's hanging up. As I turn over to shut the lights off something shiny I see in the corner of my eye catches my attention instead. I look over to see what it is.

A blade.

"What you put this here?" I say quietly pointing to the blade even tho I am alone.

I didn't put that there, but just helped you..see it. Some motivation to help you find what you have been missing. 

"And what have I been missing then?" I say picking up the blade and slowly dragging my finger across the sharp side, making sure to do it light enough not to make blood form.

Pain.

I sigh again. They weren't wrong, pains something I've been lacking and I just don't know if it's what I need.

One small cut won't hurt anyone, right?

I sit down on the carpet in the bathroom and slowly drag the blade across my arm one.

Now how did that feel.

"I don't know"

You have missed this, I can tell

They weren't that wrong. I began to trace the blade across my arm more and more before stoping on that arm.

You aren't finished

I quickly switched hands and start to do it on the other one. I stop after what seemed like forever and I take a good look at my arms. They were pretty bad, I feel very light headed as well. But I know I won't pass out. They are pretty bad, but not like when I passed out in the forest.

I sit there for a few minutes waiting to hear a remark from neo, but didn't get one. "They're gone" i say before making my way back to the sink to clean up my mess. After I finish I find a black hoodie in my closet, that's about 2x the size I normally wear. I throw it on and make my way back to my bed. I lay there as sudden guilt ran though my body.

Tyler's gonna be so upset with me.

I never even thought about that when I did it. Now there's no way to take back what I did.

There never was