We're broken people~ Adopted by Tyler Joseph

14~ terrified

Trigger warning: Suicide attempt

Darkness.
The night is terrifying, when my fears and thoughts like to come out to play. When neo most enjoys the torture. It's almost like a game of hide and seek. But I never win. It's nights like this I really wonder if I have a purpose, and right now, I'm not sure of it. All I want to do is fucking sleep.
But I can't.

Ive been staring at a wall for the past fucking hour. I'm pretty sure it's past 2. But I don't care. I carefully roll out of my bed and make way to the front door. I slip on some boots and put on a jacket, hoping Tyler and Jenna don't wake up. I quietly open the front door. Revealing some soft blankets of snow on the porch. All I can get out is an "I'm sorry" before gently shutting the door and heading out.
————

I never noticed how peaceful Columbus could be at night and especially in the winter time. The quietness almost made me forget where I was going.

Then I remembered

—-
"Tyler?" I asked a couple nights before.

He didn't respond so I continued.

"What's the point."

He turned to me with a confused look, "point of what?"

I sighed as I sat on our couch snuggling a blanket. "What's the point, of life you know. Why do bad things happen to good people, and why are we even here. Why am I still alive?"

Tyler looked at me with a saddened look. Then sat down next to me and after a long pause of silence, began to speak, "I don't know if you'll remember everything i tell you tonight. 'Cause things pass, things move on, people will forget. But I want you to know that tonight there is always a point . I'm asking myself that question all the time, "What's the point? What's the point of homework, what's the point of school, what's the point of jobs, what's the- what's the point of all those things? What's the point of life?" He pauses to think of what else to say.
"Have you ever seen someone talk on stage before?"

I shook my head and he continued
 
"One time, when I was at my lowest I searched on YouTube something inspirational, because I had run out of ideas. Did it help? No but it did make me realize something.  There's a point. There always is.  There's a point tonight, tomorrow, and even a year from now. You may not know what your purpose is but you will find it. And you will be happy you stayed alive to find out"
——

I've thought every single day about what Tyler had told me. But when would I find that purpose. For shits sake it's like 10 degrees out side and I can't think straight. The numbness I feel right now isn't just from the cold.
But also from neo
————

After what seemed like forever I finally made it to the woods. I started walking in then trying to find the burn spot Tyler showed me a couple months back.

This place does feel like home to me.

As I reached the clearing, the wood that read "T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D" the only thing I can clearly see.

How do I feel? Hopeless,Scared, Confused

Terrified.

I make it to the middle of the burn pile,

Are you searching

"Is anybody out there?!?" I scream

For a purpose?

No response

I continue to yell, "I'm afraid okay!"

Don't be afraid

I find what looks like an old cellphone tower thing nearby.

I decide to climb it.

Why am I climbing this? I don't fucking know. I don't even know why I'm here. I don't know why they are still torturing  me?

It will all go away if you just jump

How?

Tyler and Jenna won't miss you.

I know

You will forever be alone

I sigh, "I know"

I began to dangle my feet off the side of the tower. Looking down I'm guessing it's a good 35 feet drop. It can do damage. Maybe a broken foot or arm, or maybe everything will just go numb for sure.

As I'm thinking to myself I hear a voice

"Crystal!!!! Please get down!!"

Its Tyler

I begin to cry, "Go away!!!!"