Unanchored: Inspired by Demi Lovato (book 1 of the unanchored series)

2.⚓️

Well, I didn't actually kill myself. When I said that I was going to kill myself, I meant that I was going to kill the old me. I'm sick of being treated like shit, like I don't matter. I'm also sick of being treated like a child, like, I can't take care of myself on my own. I can take care of myself perfectly fine. I don't need anybody, why, because I'm a bad bitch. I've got this. Starting today, I'm going to make Monday my bitch and as a matter of fact, the world is my mother-fucking oyster.

I was so bad to the bone, that I decided to dye my hair blue. I thought I was the shit, I looked hot and I was not gonna lie. However, my parents didn't see things the way I saw them. They said I reminded them of a Smurf that had been hit by seven tornadoes.

"You are not going to school like that on Monday! I can tell you that!" Mom yelled at me from the other side of the changing room in Forever 21 while I was standing there with nothing on but a yellow bikini. This girl at school, surprisingly invited me to her pool party next week. It was a Saturday afternoon and I was trying on bathing suits to go to some girl's house. She probably felt bad that my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend were seeing each other behind my back. Everyone did.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I was going through an identity crisis." I said. As I was staring at myself in the mirror, I noticed my disgusting body.

Those old nine cuts on my stomach made me feel guilty for treating my body that way, but, it felt good. It helped me, the drugs, the sex, the cutting, all of that helped me deal with the big picture that kept playing in my head all over again. Good thing, my bikini bottom was high waisted.

"You going through a break up that was months ago isn't an identity crisis. It's-It's crazy." I rolled my eyes and opened the curtains, stepping out of the room. "No, mom. It's high school. I mean, what did you think would happen over the summer? You thought that me and Charlie would stay together forever?"

"Yes, I mean, no, I mean...I don't know what I mean. Look, all I know is when you break up with someone—"

"He broke up with me, mom. I told you that."

"I thought you said that you broke up with him." Well, the thing was, I lied to my parents when they found out that me and Charlie were no longer together. I told them that I broke up with him because he was with another girl while he was still with me. Of course, I never told them who the girl was. It would be terrible if you found out that the girl that ruined your daughter's relationship with her longtime boyfriend was her best friend, you know the one who you took on all of your trips, sleep over your house, and considered as your own daughter.

What happened was, even though, the first day back from summer was the day that I found out about Michaela and Charlie, I still wanted Charlie and I to be together. I was mad at Michaela, I wasn't mad at Charlie at all. I can't believe I thought for a second that he would leave her for me. When I told him to break things off with her, the look on his face, it just hurt me and broke me into a million pieces. I still wanted him to be with me, but he didn't want to be with me anymore. Sometimes, I just can't understand why I still love him. As crazy as I am, I still love him. No matter, how many times I did drugs, I still kept thinking about him. I was crazy in love with him. We were both crazy in love, at least I think we were.

I remember one time, I got high and I felt good for awhile, but then...everything started to come back. Everything started to hit me. The day I found out about them, when he told me that he didn't want things to end between him and Michaela, and that moment when he told me that he didn't love me anymore. He fell out of love with him, or he just got bored of me and my problems. I would too, if someone kept bitching and moaning about their depressing life.

"No, mom. He broke up with me because I was too complicated for him, okay? Now, can you just drop it?" I asked, rolling my eyes and walking back into the dressing room. "Yes...but I still stand with my decision about your hair." Mom said.