Unanchored: Inspired by Demi Lovato (book 1 of the unanchored series)

9.⚓️

It's been three days, since I found out the truth, the truth about everything. The fact that my parents aren't even my real parents, Gracie isn't my sister, and maybe, just the fact that my whole life has been one big fat lie.

I just can't understand why bad shit always happened to me. I'll admit, I can be a bitch, sometimes, but I am good person. What did I ever do to deserve something like this? Why, God? Why was this happening to me?

I wanted to be mad at my parents—I mean, Chris and Kate but I couldn't because I felt guilty for all the trouble that I've caused for them and their family ever since I was a child. I mean, I literally took away Gracie's real parents, it's my fault that she doesn't have a mom or a dad. I hope she doesn't hate me when she grows up. I couldn't live with myself, if she did. It's bad enough, I already hate myself for being the main reason why they are dead. I should've just stayed home that night, I kept telling myself that over and over again. None of this would have happened, if I hadn't snuck out, then they wouldn't have gotten into that accident.

Many times, I thought about cutting myself but I just couldn't do it. I didn't know why the one thing that made me feel good, didn't make me feel good anymore. Maybe, this time, I actually wanted to finally stop cutting myself. Yeah, right. That's what I said the last time. But, maybe, just, maybe, I think that this time, I want to stop hurting myself and start taking better care of myself. I need to, not just for my sake but for Gracie's. She has no parents because of me. I, at least, owe that to her. I need to take care of myself and Gracie, even though, I'm not her real sister. But then again, I also felt like I shouldn't because she really wasn't my responsibility anymore. I know, I promised them that I would take care of their little girl but...I just couldn't. I can't do that. I am so broken inside that I physically can't take care of anyone else besides myself. Unanchored people can't take care of other people, let alone, themselves. It's just not what they do.

I've thought about finding my real parents but then, I just kept changing my mind over and over. I kept saying to myself, "I don't want to find them because if I do, I'll get my hopes up or I'll hear something I don't want to hear." I just have so many questions for them, like why would they give me away? Were they too young? Did something bad happen between them that made them not want to keep me? I needed to know why they did it. It was literally killing me, not knowing the answer.

After a while, I stopped going to my AA meetings for good, which I know I am not supposed to do. But I came up with a good reason, a reason being that I am "moving to Delaware with my family." Aunt Becky or should I say, Becky, didn't ask me anything about it, neither did the rest of my family. When I stopped talking, they stopped asking, which was good for me. Although, I stopped attending my AA meetings, I still went to my outpatient rehab that I was supposed to go to every day after school. I, even, made friends with one girl named Remi. Remi was also a teenager like me, who was struggling with drug addiction.

While I was in rehab, I was slowly on my way to recovery and I was getting better and better. Drugs were the last thing on my mind, I just wasn't thinking about it every second of my life and it honestly, made me happy, needless to say.

Christmas was next week and as far as I was concerned, I wasn't going to have a merry little Christmas, considering the previous series of events. I still spoke to Rina and Porc but I was a little more distant with them, too. They both showed up at my house yesterday to see if I was okay but I told Uncle Manny to tell them that I was in the shower. I think they believed me, since they texted me that night but I didn't answer my phone.

One of the things that I had to do while in rehab was, I had to attend family therapy, which was every Saturday and Wednesday. It was also a big pain in my ass because now, I was sitting in a room with a bunch of strangers, discussing my mental health. Everyone was there, everyone but, Gracie. Gracie always stayed home with Claudia, Manny's new girlfriend, who thinks she's knows it all. They've been dating for two weeks now and this woman thinks she knows me, telling me that I should just stop being depressed. You know, what? Thank you, fucking Claudia, for helping me solve all my problems. This girl must be Jimmy Mother-fucking Neutron because she's a genius.