It was still raining from last night. How's that for a Christmas morning? By the time I got inside Mick's house, I passed out on the floor. When I woke up, I was in Mick's bed. I guess she didn't want me to sleep on the floor. Oh, my sweet Mickey, I don't know what I'd do without you. Even though she fucked my boyfriend, she still had a generous heart.
After I fell asleep, I kept having these vivid dreams of when I was younger and much smaller. Sometimes, I dream about me, holding a baby in my arms. I don't know what my dream symbolizes because I'm not pregnant and I don't have a baby. I keep having these dreams frequently. I don't know why I keep having them. Some people believe that when you have dreams about holding a baby in your arms, it most likely means that the baby is you. You're the baby and you're in emotional distress. Something bad is bound to happen. I can feel it. It was like my very own apocalypse was about to erupt.
Sometimes, I think I resemble Rue from the show, Euphoria. I feel like I know her, I feel like I am her. I mean, she's a drug addict and so am I. In comparison, when you look at it, Rue's dad passed away from cancer and my parents were killed in a car crash. Well, at least, somewhat similar.
After watching Euphoria, I've never wanted to dip myself in glitter so badly. Fuck. The makeup, the outfits, the acting, the scenery, and basically fucking everything was fucking beautiful. I think literally everything in the show needs to be nominated for an Emmy Award.
Anyway, as I was saying, I am Rue, and Rue is me. I am unanchored. We're both unanchored people, trying to figure out our fucked up lives. What does it all mean? What does life mean? What is the purpose for all things that is and was? My ten year old mind constantly thinks about life itself and all of the factors that contribute to life. For example, why does the sun shine so brightly that it could literally blind you? How can something that's supposed to be good for you, also be bad? I honestly have no idea where I am going with this little rant in my head. I sound retarded, well maybe, I shouldn't say retarded because that's an insult to people with special needs. Let's just say I am a teenage dirtbag who actually admires Iron Maiden...when I wanna fuck shit up and steal someone's car. Their music honestly just makes me feel powerful. As Rachel Green would say, "It's a kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic kind of genre." And I enjoyed it.
Previously, I had just received a phone call from Gracie. She made Uncle Manny call me, so that she could speak to me. Oh, God, just the sound of her voice made me want to cry, when she told me that she misses me. What hurt the most was when she asked me when I was coming back and I lied to her. I told her that I would be back soon but I didn't know what "soon" meant. I didn't know when I would ever see my baby sister again. I feel bad that I keep fucking up shit and tearing my family apart, just because I want to find my real parents. Although, I don't see the harm in me doing that, I mean no one's going to get hurt. I'll just have to find a way to get on a plane to the Netherlands. I'll be honest, I don't know how I'm going to get the money to go on the plane, when I didn't even have a job.
Maybe I can borrow money from someone. Of course, Lord knows I hate borrowing money because then you have to give the money back. No matter how many times a person says that they don't want you to pay them back, they do want you to pay them back. They just don't want to tell you that.
I don't know how I am going to get back to my country. I need to find my parents, I need to find them now. I have to know why they gave me up for adoption. I want to know why they abandoned me.
"Are you okay? You've been staring at the fireplace for thirteen minutes, you look like Drew Barrymore when she set those agents on fire with her mind." I broke my gaze with the fire and shook my head, chuckling. "Are you sure you don't want my AirPods that my dad got me for Christmas, I already have two pairs of them."
"No, Mick. That's your gift from your dad. I couldn't possibly do that." I said. "If you take these AirPods, I won't ask you about where you were last night." Instantly, my eyes popped out of my head and they were really widened. I didn't even know that Mick knew that I hadn't got back to her home yet, then again, I think her vacant bedroom with only her in it, gave it away.
"It's a long story," I shook my head. "I'll tell you later."
"Hey, girls! Come on in the kitchen, I made snickerdoodles and an alcohol-free eggnog!" Jackie yelled from the kitchen. When I got up from the couch, I noticed that Michaela displayed a look of disgust as she stuck her tongue out, pretending to gag. "Ugh. Mom, that's so gross. Jade and I don't want any of your nasty eggnog." Michaela yelled, getting up from the floor as I laughed.
"Don't be mean to her." I said. "Girl, I'm just looking out for you. Everybody knows that eggnog tastes like shit." Michaela whispered, walking into the kitchen.
"You are so bad but you're speaking facts." I said, walking behind her. Jackie gave Michaela and I a cookie and she watched us as we bit into them. Jackie had this big smile plastered on her face, waiting for our response. "It's good." Michaela said. "Yeah, not bad at all, Mrs. H." I said, complimenting Jackie.
"I'm glad that you guys are enjoying my cookies." Jackie says, smiling and feeling thrilled that we "enjoyed" her cookies. Ha. Now that I think about it, that sounded really dirty. It sounds like something a MILF would say to her "daughter" right after her daughter had buried her entire face in her mom's cookies. Okay, let me stop myself before I ruin a perfectly good relationship with my friend's—Michaela's mom.
Who the fuck was I kidding, those cookies tasted like shit. I think I might need eggnog to help me wash down that dry ass cookie. My goodness, I felt like I was chewing on a hair ball. Jesus, I haven't been in their house long enough and Jackie's already trying to kill me. Jesus Fucking Christ. Next time, give a girl a heads up. You don't just come in with a sha-bang and then go on about your business. Lord have mercy. Jesus.
As soon as Jackie turned her back, Michaela and I both spit out our nasty chewed up remnants of Jackie's "marvelous" cookies. I tried my best not to throw up, when I was looking at the cookie that I had spit up. Jackie turned back around, she had this frown on her face. I was beginning to think that she was onto Michaela and I. Maybe, just maybe, she wasn't a sucker at all. Maybe, after all these years, she knew that we were lying and felt humiliated that we were lying to her. She's probably trying to hide the way she feels, to make us happy.
Man, it's tough being an adult, especially a parent. You think your cooking is off the chain, when in reality, it was nowhere near the chain and now you're the one hanging on the chain of a clown. No, you're hanging onto a chain of clowns, who are on their way to Clown University. I mean seriously, sometimes, I imagine in a few years, I'll be in my thirties and I'll have kids. Ugh. My sixteen year old self is crying because now I am coming to a realization that my boobs will no longer be perky anymore and I'll have twenty-six stretch marks. It's bad enough that you'll be lying to your children for their entire childhood and they'll be doing the same, but a girl should not have to put up with saggy boobs and stretch marks.
"Hey, Jade." I cleared my throat as Jackie's face turned into a sympathetic smile. "Yes, Mrs. H." I answered, putting my hands behind my back so that she wouldn't see her half bitten cookie still in my hands.
"I know that this Christmas, it's a little different from all of your other Christmases that you've had with your parents and your sister. I want you to know that even though your family kicked you out, you will always be family to Michaela and I. In case you haven't noticed, you basically lived here ever since you and Michaela were little." Jackie confessed, bringing tears to my eyes.
"Oh, Jackie. You're making me cry. I really appreciate you letting me stay with you guys, but I already told you that I won't be staying here for that long." I said, wiping my eyes. Michaela comes to my side and puts her arm around me. "You're not going anywhere, Jade, okay? Look, I know we hit a bump on the road, but I'm not going anywhere and I hope you're not either. I don't want you to." As much as I didn't want to go, I needed to leave because I needed to find my parents. I had to. I know they're out there somewhere. I hope that not a day goes by, where they're not thinking about me because I've been thinking about them a lot. I need to leave. I need to leave tonight but first I need to make two stops.
A/N HI, MY BABY CAKES. 💕I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER. I DIDN'T WANT TO SPLIT UP THIS CHAPTER BUT I FELT LIKE I HAD TO. SO, STAY TUNED. LOVE YOU GUYS.💕
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Unanchored: Inspired by Demi Lovato (book 1 of the unanchored series)
FanficSome people are meant to be fixed, others aren't. People like me who are unanchored, can't balance out the things in their life because we don't know what that word means.
