The possessive alpha

Five

The dream I had last night- the nightmare kept panging in my mind. As I lay in bed thinking about it, I was wondering if it was a nightmare, or was I supposed to remember it for a reason? I ran my fingers over the soft black silk comforter and sighed, this is reality I am in right now.

I had to remind myself that I will never be in that position again, I mean how often does it happen to the same person? One in ever one hundred. I always have this reminder in the back of my mind, that no matter what I do, I can never take back what they stole from me.

My mom, dad, sister, everyone I loved and cared about. I wondered how the rest of the pack was, were they still alive? Who took my father's place as alpha?

A stressed sigh escaped my lips, and ran my fingers over my eyes. I have to get ahold of myself. Of course they're fine, I don't need to worry, they're not my pack anymore.

I continue to try to get over the fact that I am supposed to be a luna. How am I going to do such a thing? I mean, I'm terrified, not only because of what had happened to me, but my social anxiety. What kind of luna would I be? I mean I can always reject Ryan so I won't have to take the responsibility, but I could never do that.

My heart almost broke in two thinking about it. What if I wouldn't be good enough and he rejected me? What would happen to me? I shook the thoughts from my mind and tried to focus on my wolf.

As I asked myself these questions, I thought of my grandmother, and her wrinkled smile. 'The sun sees your body, but the moon sees your soul' she always described mates like that. The moon goddess had brought Me and Ryan together because maybe, just maybe he could see through my shell. And maybe everyone else could only see how I acted.

I have to be strong. I can't let anything break me, and maybe Ryan can see right past that. I'll never know though, I am not him.

Shaking my head, I disappointedly laughed at myself. If only he knew how I felt. It feels so empty inside, but yet I needed it to be empty, and yet it's a painful sadness that I cannot explain. I stared at my arms quietly, and cringed. A few light scars were written on my wrists, and to think before I was taken I thought I had a bad life. Those girls in that dungeon had it worse than me, and I was too selfish to think that I had it bad.

There's always someone that has it worse.

I slowly threw the covers off of my body, and sulked in my own thoughts for a moment. Quietly I made my way to Ryan's closet and grabbed one of his hoodies. I hadn't noticed it was raining until now, funny. Honestly, I loved the rain and everything about it. It gives me peace, and a lot of time to think. That's probably why I was so deep in thought, or maybe it was the soft bed. I don't know.

Quietly, I walked around the room. I hadn't noticed it before, but the picture of the two boys was gone. I rummaged through a sock drawer and sighed, there it was. The vintage looking picture was in my fingertips and I stared at it. Flipping it over there was no information on the back. Why does this guy look familiar?

This...little boy. Why don't I remember him? I attempted to think of when I myself was a kid, but sighed, nothing. There's never any good information when you need it. Sometimes I wished there was a safe where you could just replay memories. I cringed silently as I brushed my fingers over a box and felt myself go completely red. Trojan condoms. I quickly put the picture back and fixed the socks back into place.

I'm glad Ryan wasn't in the room, because that would have been totally embarrassing. I understand why he has them though, and I was pretty upset about it but I cannot change the past. I mean he has been looking for me for years and never found me, and he's an alpha- so his needs have to be met, right?