Tell Me Why || McLennon

Chapter Six

     Paul finally pulled his lips off of John's, along with his hands off of John's waist as he stepped back.

     Paul choked for a second. "I—I—I feel nothing."

     John swallowed hard looking as if he was trying to hold back a sob and the tears that would come with it. "Ok...." he whispered.

     And this time, it wasn't Paul who walked out on John, but John, who threw his hands up and slowly dragged them behind his head, walked out on Paul. He took slow steps, breathing calmly with each step trying not to get angry. He agreed, that if Paul didn't feel anything he would leave him alone. But John didn't think it would be this hard to abandon his deep feelings.

     As soon as John had left the tiny room, Paul plopped down on the bed and groaned. Did he have feelings for John?

     Of course he did! But that didn't change the fact that it was illegal. He couldn't be in a relationship if it was illegal. He couldn't do anything that was illegal.

     He had dreams of his own. He wanted to become a rockstar. Play in every city in the world, earn enough money to make sure his father and his brother had a better life. And the world would love him. All the pain he had ever felt would go away. It would leave because he would finally have enough love.

     Paul sighed and put his hands over his face. If I have to take one more second of this madness, he thought, I think I'll die.

*
    
   Forget this shit, thought John as he walked out of the doorway and into the hall, kicking the wall as hard as he could.

     What did he care if Paul didn't like him? He was John Lennon for God's sake! He was the leader of a band who had no responsibilities and could do whatever he wanted! He could get any girl he wanted! So it didn't matter if one bloke didn't like him!

     Oh but it did. John stopped walking and slid down the wall. He groaned. He liked Paul so much, it hurt. It mattered the world if Paul liked him or not. So why didn't he?

     John thought it was because Paul was scared. But he obviously had made it clear that he felt nothing for John.

     How could John like someone so much, when the other person hated him?

*
    
   After hours and hours of laying in bed, sleep still couldn't fall upon Paul.

     He tried and tried, but his mind would not stop thinking. It couldn't process what happened with him and John.

     Paul was starting to think that he might of said the wrong thing to John. Maybe they could have a relationship. Maybe they would do a good job of hiding it. Maybe no one would ever have to find out.

     But most of all, Paul was curious. He had never been with a man before. What would it be like? John was his best mate. Would that affect their relationship? If they were to be in one of course, but Paul doubted it. After all, John did push Paul away for a few years when he got a new best mate and ignored him completely. So why would John push Paul away if all of a sudden he had feelings for him? Paul knew that feelings didn't just develop overnight. They took time. Did John always feel this way about Paul? Or was John just drunk like he was every other night. Did John just get drunk so he could have Paul babysit him and he was able to get close to him? Was Paul so dumb that he couldn't notice his former best mate was in love with him?

     But there was one question that reigned above the rest. Did Paul have feelings for John? Real feelings?

     Paul still wasn't exactly sure what the answer to the question was, but he had many guesses that were similar to each other. And most of the guesses, led back to one answer. And that answer was yes.

Thanks so much for reading. -Liz :)