Matty's POV
Her emotions were held clearly in her face, through every curve and crevice that was imbedded inside. I watched as they danced around her face as she spoke and marvelled in the sequence in which they fell. Her eyes, they were her biggest hamartia of all, they showed her soul and what she was really thinking. They were a deep pool of restless blue, an ocean of hopelessness. She would not let the small things get to her, only the passion was allowed past her cerulean gates. Her passion was my hamartia.
In every movement, every swift touch of my hand or face; I would crumble. For, I crumble at every word she speaks because my eyes have no protection, the rust collects behind them after countless floods. If she could only know how I feel, not even songs can express how I feel.
I would gape at the way her hand somehow always found its way to mine; even if she didn't seem to know it was happening. She had no idea how much it meant to me when she would whisper sweet nothings for that was what it was to her; nothing. It cost her nothing but yet they were so valuable to me.
"Matty." Shivers. Every time.
Before her, I had only loved two girls and they were so different. She was a holy blend of them both, a unique and joyful mix of the two that were always missing something.
Every time she kissed me it felt like the world stopped. Every time her held my face between her hands it felt like she was untying all of my knots. Holding me for eternity in the arms I've grown so accustomed to. This is falling in love. For so long I had longed for her, and now I can't bare to lose her - lose this thing that makes me feel so complete.
"I'm going to marry you." I whispered. Watching her facial movements in response to my words was truly entertaining. It was a mixture of humour and disbelief.
"Fuck off, Healy." She replied but she had no idea what she was doing to me.
"I am. Mark my words." I shrugged, as if it meant nothing. She didn't say anything, just stared out on to the city of love.
"The culture is getting to your head." She finally said.
I traced her lip lightly with the tip of my finger. It pouted slightly, and I had such an urge to bite it, to kiss it, to seal it away for no one else. And I didn't want to look up. Because if I looked up, I may have found myself at the mercy of questioning eyes, pleading, begging to know what I was doing, and I'm was not at liberty to say because I simply did not know. I could form words with my lips because I was so focused on hers.
I buried my head in her shoulder and pressed her up against the bar of the Eiffel Tower. I don't know why, but I assumed I could cement her into the rail and keep her there forever. Knowing what was to come, deep down, the promises of marriage seemed an easy way to keep her as mine.
"I want to marry you." I mumbled into her skin, her sweet skin.
"Matty, you're scaring me." Her voice trembled as if I were saying goodbye. In a way I was.
"I don't know how to keep you as mine, Kit." I mumbled again. She pushed me backwards so I could look her into her cerulean pools.
"I don't understand"
Everyone loves differently, I know that she loves me and I love her but we love each other very differently. I know she loves me in the conventional way while my love for her is all consuming.
"I just want to hold on and never let go, take me with you to London." I finally breathed out the information she needed to comprehend what was going on.
"Matthew" she sighed, her eyes turning away from me. "You want to marry me so I have to come back to you." She was almost disappointed to hear it. I had let her down.
"I want to marry you." I repeated myself but she shook her head.
"Marriage isn't a trap, Matty. I'm committed to you already." She replied. She didn't want to marry me. I should've known, she didn't want a relationship either and somehow she's ended up here with me.
"I don't know what to do." I blurted out my thoughts.
"You have questionable motives." Her voice lightened as a small smile spread across her face. I mirrored her image in an attempt to impress her. "Let's not think about London. Let's think about Paris, here, on the Eiffel Tower, where we are together right now."
As much as I wanted to do everything for her, give her everything and push myself aside, she was asking me to ignore the fact she was inevitably leaving me and I just couldn't. The best I could do was pretend I could, that's all I could do; my best.
"I love you."
"I love you."
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Guysssss, this book is coming to an end very soon. I kind of don't want to write it out cos I don't want it to happen. This is a short chapter to kind of build up the ending. Also I wanted to try something different with the point of views instead of third person as usual. I'm thinking 70 chapters and then finish. Eek.
YOU ARE READING
drugs- m.h
Fanfiction-His mouth hung open in awe at her, he thought she was everything. She held his jaw with a hand and blew her smoke into his mouth. He almost melted - In which lovers become friends who become confused. -Explicit content- Started- November 2018 Finis...
