Trigganometry (COMPLETED)

Closed Mouths

Monday comes back around and I'm honestly exhausted. All this drama with these women is getting to me. I almost canceled class. I'm stuck between wanting to cuss Serenity out and wanting to lay her down. It's frustrating as hell. Now, I have to tell my class about their test and project grades and discuss the next project, all while this drama is surrounding me. I write some basics of the project, on the board. I'd rather not see when Serenity walks in. I just want to talk to the class, as a whole and get this day over with.

Once everyone's here, I start passing out their tests and projects. At this point, whoever is failing, will probably fail the class. There's only one month left, before finals. Midterm grades were okay but the two or three people that keep failing, are doing just that. Failing. Mariah is hanging on by a thread. Serenity has yet to make anything less than an A. Taj's boy, Jason is doing just as bad as Taj was. I guess I couldn't expect everyone to pass. It's damn near impossible. I give Serenity hers and she smiles weakly. She made a 94, on her project and 96 on her test but clearly something is on her mind. I can't think of that right now.

The rest of the 50 minutes take forever to go by. I've never wanted class to end so bad. I originally thought this class would've been half project discussion and half new chapter but right now, I just want to end it. "Homework tonight will be a little different. Read chapter 25, do the 10 follow up questions and we'll do a review in class on Wednesday. I'll have notes up, by 6PM tonight, to help with the review. It's only 10:30 but I don't care. I feel sick.

I get a moment of deja vu, when Serenity stays behind the class. "I went back to him." She says, not looking up at me. I don't even know what to say. I'm mad because he doesn't deserve and I'm mad because she told me. Why tell me? "Um...okay. Well that's your decision." I answer. I'm trying not to sound pissed. "I don't know. After that whole thing at the party, I just wanted to be around someone and I already know him and I still have love for him. I still love him. I just ... I don't know. I thought you should know, some this is all my fault and now I'm back with him or something." She rushes her words out. "You deserve more than he can give you, Serenity." The words escape my mouth, before I could think. "There's another man, out there that can give you the world. Taj can't do that and you deserve nothing less than the world." She stares up at me. Shit, I think she realizes that I'm talking about me. "Um...I'm gonna go. Im sorry." She rushes off. Fuckkkk.

***
All day, the only thing I could think about was Serenity, going back to that fuck boy. I mean it's not like I can date her and honestly I don't know much about her, so why am I so head over heels, for her. Maybe it's the challenge of getting her. Boom, that's it. I know I can't have her because she's not single, she's a student and she's just not interested. But for some reason, that makes me want to keep trying. I don't like failing at shit and I ain't never had to work too hard for a woman. Ugh.

I shake my thoughts and head into Juicy Crab. I called in, with a different name this time. It should be ready so I just get in and get out. I open the door and remember the first time I came here. I haven't been back since. I walk up, to the podium and tell the guy why I'm here. Gladly he's unimpressed with who I am and head to the back, for my order. I take a seat and look down at my phone, to prevent people from noticing me.

Someone sits next to me and I immediately tense up. "It's okay. No one is here, to hurt you." The person says and I immediately know who it is. "Serenity." I say, looking directly in her eyes. We've never been this close and my breathing shakes. "Hey. Sorry about earlier. I just didn't know what to say, to that." She starts. "Everything you sad was true. I know that. I been knew that. To be honest, even though he was never a jealous person, there were other red flags. I just chose to ignore them. You know he has a daughter?" She says sadly. I'm sure shock has run completely over me. "Yea, she was born, right when we started dating. I still have him a chance because I was under the impression that his baby mama was cool. That changed soon. I don't think he ever cheated but then again, I don't know. But then he stopped seeing his kid. It bothered me because I want kids. What if we broke up and he leaves me and the baby alone? Child support isn't enough."

The guy comes back with my food and it interrupts our conversation. "Sorry." I say and sit back down. "We can talk outside. I'm waiting on Tisha anyway." She says. We head outside and end up sitting on a bench, nearby. "So why did you get back with him again?" I ask, trying to understand. "I just wanted it to work. He went through all of that trouble, to make sure I don't leave him and I kinda admired it. I hated the way he did it but I know he loves me." She looks down and twiddles her fingers. "But is that enough?" I ask. She just stares at me. Tears start flowing and I feel so bad, for her. I feel bad for me. I want to tell her how much I want to get to know her more and make her mine. I can never say that.

"So what's going on with you and Mrs. Charm?" She asks, wiping her tears away and changing the subject. It completely catches me off guard. "Uhhh..." I don't even know what to say. She's been honest with me and I don't want to lie to her. "Is that too personal? Sorry." "No. You've been personal with me so it's only right I share a little, I guess." I sigh. "There's nothing going on with me and Mrs. Charm. Things got a little carried away, at the party. I drank too much." She raises her right  eyebrow at me, like she's waiting for the rest. "Ugh. I'm attracted to her but she's unavailable too. I can't keep going after women in relationships." "Too?" She asks. "Who else are you going after, that's in a relationship?" I realize I've said too much. I completely freeze.

Trish pulls up and finds her way, to us. Serenity's eyes widen and she turns her head to the side. She knows. "Hey y'all." Trish says. Serenity and I just stare at each other. "Uhhh, hello?" Trish waves her hand at us. "Umm. Sorry. Hey girl." Serenity finally says. I awkwardly gather myself and stand up. "I'm gonna head home and eat this food." I say. "It was nice seeing you again. You too Trish." I say to them. "See you, Wednesday." Serenity says. If she was light skinned, she'd be blushing. I hope it's not from embarrassment but from being flattered.