The Small Town

He's clearly a Velma

Pidge sat in the hospital bed grumbling. Keith held her hand tightly, patting her leg gently.

"Have I expressed how much I hate hospitals?" Pidge muttered. Lance kicked open the hospital room door and bowed down presenting Pidge with a paper bag with the Wendy's logo on the side.

"Fuck yeah!" she hollered, tearing into it.

Keith started at his girlfriend lovingly. Her face was still pale, having been in a casket for so long.

"Whatcha talking about?" Lance asked, plopping himself down on the end of the bed.

"Incompetent doctors," Pidge said through a mouthful of cheeseburger. "I mean, I can't believe they put me in a medically induced coma, and three days later, proclaimed me dead! I'm surprised I didn't wake up in the middle of he funeral. Boy, that would have been hilarious!"

Keith thought back to earlier in the day, a few hours prior.

They had been sharing stories late into the night. Pidge's  casket, ironically, sat in the living room for the vigil period, the time  given for families to say goodbye. 

Keith was just about to fall asleep, following Hunk's lead, when the three boys shot to their feet at the sound of a very familiar voice shouting;

"Why the fuck am I in a casket?!" At that moment it registered in Keith's mind, how much Pidge liked the word 'Fuck.' "And why does my arm hurt so much?!"

It turned out that the doctors had been wrong and, opting to skip the autopsy they just planned to bury her in the clothing she wore, as it was her favourite t-shirt and a nice pair of jeans. Though she did break her arm in the initial fall to the ground, they left it alone, just carefully positioning her body in the coffin.

"The smallest coffins are the heaviest," said the funeral worker as he and another moved the coffin into the hearse.

They had rushed her to the hospital, after Lance screamed a string of Spanish exorcisms, ultimately resulting in Pidge telling him off.

"¡Fuera demonio! ¡No poseas a mi amigo! ¡El poder de Cristo le obliga! ¡Déjala!" he had yelled, waking the Holt family. They had forgotten that the boys were there.

"I'm not possessed you fuck head! I'm just alive!"

They had rushed her to the hospital in Lance's mini van, and explained the situation to the nurse, who had seen Pidge's 'dead' body being wheeled out of the hospital. She was quite distraught.

Now, they sat in her hospital bed. Lance had gone to get her food, as she was starving from the coma. She picked up her phone, which was dinging with condolences for the Holt family thanks to Pidge's 'death.'

"What room am I in?" she asked.

"Number 5. Right across from the room Keith used when he was here. Like a dumbass," Lance taunted. Keith just stuck his tongue out in response.

"Allura is on her way. She's excited to see me alive." Pidge tossed her phone to the end of the bed, and it landed with a plop next to Lance.

Not even ten minutes later Allura threw open the door and engulfed Pidge in a hug. The two got up and jumped around, squealing. 

"You're alive! You're alive you're alive you're alive!" Allura screamed.

"Yep. I'm back from the dead," Pidge giggled. "By the way, Lance, did my funeral go the way I had wanted it to?"

Lance choked on the drink he had stolen from Pidge, while Keith asked what she meant.

"When we were little," Lance stared after catching his breath. "Pidge and I made a pact, that the first one to die was going to get the most extravagant funeral. Pidge wanted to be cremated, and have her ashes packed in a canon with a bunch of glitter. It was gonna get shot off while Thnks fr th mmrs played from the speakers at full volume."