After All

Prologue: Spring 2018

"Wake up, baby. Somebody wants his Mama."

I squirmed deeper into the lush bedding and a smile curved my lips. "Ummm, okay. But I need kisses first, please."

There was a snicker, "Always, love. Always." Sweet, soft lips met mine and pulled me from the depths of slumber to greet my love and his mini-me for our early morning nursing.

I rolled over to better meet the eyes that had held me transfixed for years. The eyes that would always calm me, speak to me, love me.

I sighed, so grateful for the gifts in my life....

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! "Wake up, Honeygirl! Big day today, and I have news for you."

I groaned and buried my head under the pillow. I love Della, my assistant, with every breath I take, but Lord, her bedside manner needs some work. When Jerrie had to leave me, she referred Della – a distant cousin with so many similarities it was spooky. She was on the downside of 50, reminded me of Doris Roberts, dressed like a fashion model, and took no shit off anyone – including me. But she coddled me like nobody has since my Mom.

"Dellllllll.... what's the rush? Just lemme snooze a little. You just busted up the most delicious dream....." I breathed deeply and willed my senses to sink back into my dream of me, Jamie, and a baby in the same bed.

I heard her tutting just as I heard her rooting through my closet. "None of that, missy. Marc and Patty will be here in 2 hours. You need to be up, showered, fed, and ready for them."

She stepped out of my closet to meet my eyes and came to sit down beside me. "And you need a bit of time to digest what I have to tell you."

Her face and direct gaze caused me to hold my breath as a ball of angst settled in my stomach. That ball got bigger when she reached out to hold my hand.

She looked at our clasped hands and seemed to be measuring her words. I took pity on her, "Just spill it, Della. It can't be worse than anything else I've dealt with."

Her face paled and she heaved a sigh, "Oh, Honeygirl, I wish that were true." She patted my hands and sat up straighter, stiffening herself for the news. "I got a call last night from Jamie's agent. You need to know that he and Amelia are expecting a third child. It will inevitably come out during this promotion. None of us wanted you surprised by the news."

I froze – unable to even respond or comprehend what she was saying. I blinked my eyes and closed them as I rewound so many conversations with Jamie. He wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. But neither of us were cheaters. We both acknowledged what was between us, but we never acted on it outside of shooting – regardless of the temptation and opportunity – both of which were great. During the last few months of shooting, it seemed that he had finally reached a point to bring his marriage to an end. And while we never dared to speak it out loud, we both knew that would open the door for us to be together.

But like bad déjà vu, he went home and got his wife pregnant. Again. God, when would I learn? What kind of spell did she have over him? Regardless, he was a devoted father, so yet another tie to his parental responsibility gene was the death knell of anything we may have had to look forward to.

Refusing to be a victim, I heaved a deep sigh. "Thanks for letting me know, Della. I'll make sure and get an appropriate gift and have it ready for him." I blinked watery eyes at her, "Just give me ten minutes and I promise I'll be up and in fighting form."

She stroked my head and leaned over to kiss my temple. "Of course, baby girl. Do you want me to get a gun? Or Jerrie?"

I couldn't help but laugh through my falling tears. "Oh no. No need for that. Heartbreaking isn't a crime. And it's all on me. He's just being a good guy. I'll get over it. I'll get over him. Life goes on and there is somebody out there for me."

She smiled big and ruffled my hair, "Of course there is! Probably more than one! Jerrie warned me that I would need to screen them for you!"

Her boisterous smile faded to more of a sad grin and she speared me with piercing eyes. "Are you okay, Honeygirl?" She stroked my arm and held my hand. "If you want me to rearrange anything or get you out of any dual appearances, you just say it and I'll get it done."

I pulled our clasped hands to my mouth and gave hers a kiss. "I'm fine, Dell. Thank you. Shit happens. You deal with or roll in it and suffocate from the stench. I choose to deal with it and move on. Please don't worry about me."

She gave me a smile and another kiss to the head and left me alone with a gentle closing of the door. As soon as it clicked, I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed out all of my grief for a love that was lost before it had a chance to blossom. Jamie is my mate. I know it. If his mate is Amelia, what does that mean for me? I can't just pick a new one. I wailed louder into my pillow. But I wanted a family, babies, with Jamie. I couldn't picture anyone else in that role. So now, I'm alone – maybe forever. And I get to watch him and his happy family from the sidelines.

Well, I'll make sure I look sexy as hell while I do it.