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‑ˏˋ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 ˊˎ‑
𝐓𝐀𝐏; 𝐓𝐀𝐏 𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓 the buttons of a calculator, then the scribble of the pen. In my ratty old sweatshirt, I sat at the small table of mine and Jellal's apartment. The latter was currently absent ― I chose to think he was stalking Erza ― while I took care of half the bills. Earlier, I had told Jellal that I wanted to start paying for my share of the apartment. The result in telling him this was my afternoon off of work was spent trying to figure everything out.
A few more taps of the calculator and I was left staring at a number I didn't exactly care for. "Either this thing's broke or I am," I stated to myself, twirling my pen through my fingers. At this particular moment, I was wishing I had paid more attention during math class.
I didn't understand it. I've been working extra shifts at the café and taking shifts when someone called in sick. And yet, here I was, staring at a negative number like it was Satan himself. I groaned, clambering to my feet that had fallen asleep about thirty minutes ago. It was because of this that I almost fell, but I quickly caught myself on the counter.
That's when it hit me like a tsunami ― sudden and overpowering. I could have sworn I saw Lisanna standing next to the refrigerator, smiling brightly. But then she was gone as suddenly as she had appeared. My eyes fell to the floor when a sense of melancholy swept over me. I glanced over towards a drawer and opened it, the knives glistening in an inviting way.
The ghost of a smile made its way to my face, and I quickly glanced over my shoulder at the front door. Now would be a perfect time; I could reunite with Lisanna once and for all. I could make this world better if I wasn't in it, if I was watching everyone else live their lives in a way I could never get back. I turned back to the drawer, my fingers trembling as I moved to grab the gateway to my freedom.
But once the cool metal was in my hand, I stopped.
My hand had begun to shake uncontrollably, causing the utensil to fall out of my hand and onto the floor. It clattered one time, two times; three times before it came to lay on the hardwood. My eyes were trained on my hand that still shook, and nothing made sense anymore. My head started to pound against my skull, aching to the point where my hands rose to cover my ears, hoping to block it out.
I was on the floor before I knew it. My breathing had become ragged and short as I tried to catch my breath. And then, my fingers touched something cool and slick. It was the knife.
I bit my lip to keep it from quivering and my hands broke out into another shaking episode. The knife looked so close, and yet, it looked like it was miles away from my grasp. I shook my head vigorously, hurriedly scrambling to my feet to run out the door.
I was too engulfed in getting out of the apartment that I didn't realize I had forgotten my phone.
――――
I didn't have a destination in mind, really. I just walked around aimlessly, kicking stray rocks on the sidewalk with my hands in my pockets. There was a time when I had known Magnolia like the back of my hand, but now it was completely different. The super-market used to be on Main Street, and now it was halfway across the town. A bank had sat on the corner of Third and Rosewood Avenue, but now there was only an empty lot.
The Magnolia I had grown up in seemed foreign and full of strangers that stared at me. I took off running when a little kid had noticed me from the news. I didn't like the fact that he said, and I quote, "That's the guy who killed that girl, momma."
I needed to get out of the public's eye, and no matter how much Magnolia would change, there was one place that never would. I had slowed to a fast-paced walk, turning down a nameless dirt road. The road wound through the scare trees, their roots twisting and winding without someone to tend to them. The sight of Magnolia had been blocked the deeper I went, and soon, the sight of an old playground set came into view.
The slide had become white from the sun that had continuously beat down on it, the ladder leading to the slide broken. Vines had begun to cover the merry-go-round, binding it forever in place, and the swing set was rusting from all the rain.
However, instead of birds chirping, the only sound I heard was one of those very swings creaking as it moved. Human nature was a curse at times, because my curiosity had gotten the better of me. I quietly walked towards the playground, seeking shelter from a tree to peek around the trunk. Once I saw who it was, I stopped trying to be quiet. "Lucy?"
Her head perked up and she turned to me, her brown eyes meeting mine in shock. Although, it quickly turned to joy when she realized it was me. She smiled. "I didn't think you would be here, Natsu."
I stepped forward until I was right beside her. "I needed to get out of the apartment," I replied, sitting down in the rigidity swing next to her. She rose an eyebrow in confusion. "The bills are kicking my ass" ― I stopped, biting my lip as Gildarts' words echoed in my head ― "uh, I mean, I thought I had enough saved to pay my bills, but I think I miscalculated somewhere."
"You were never a wiz at math," Lucy giggled, causing me to duck my head in embarrassment. Her laughs soon subsided. "How much do you need?"
Without thinking, I just answered her question with a shrug. "Around two hundred."
It was only when the rustling reached my ears did I finally get why she had asked. I turned my attention to her, watching as she counted out her money. I grabbed her wrist before she could count anymore. In doing this, I fell out of the swing to get to my knees, leaving me to stare up at her. A second passed and I didn't say anything. Five more seconds and still nothing.
I don't know what had possessed me to do so, but I just marveled at her. The way the dappled sunlight was cast over her hair; it shone like real gold. Shadows were cast over her face, but her brown, doe-like eyes twinkled in shock and something else I couldn't put my finger on. Her skin against my fingers ― I had lessened my hold, not wanting to bruise the delicacy that was hard to get.
It was at that moment when I realized just how beautiful Lucy had become. She wasn't a freshman, a sophomore, a junior, and she was definitely not a senior in high school anymore. She had become a grown woman, and I was ignorant for not noticing sooner.
That bubble of silence had been broken when Lucy went back to her money, and soon, she was handing me two hundred dollars. I had let go of her wrist, pushing her hand towards her, shaking my head. "I can't take your money, Luce."
I could have sworn I heard her breath hitch, but if it did, she gave no indication. She took my hand in her hand, folding my fingers over the dollar bills with a smile. "Just take it, Natsu. And don't worry about paying me back, okay?"
"But I ― "
"Natsu." Her tone held a warning, her stern but gentle stare making me clamp my mouth shut. I sighed, looking up into those big brown eyes.
