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‑ˏˋ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘-𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 ˊˎ‑
𝐌𝐘 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 up to my chest, my shoulder freezing against the window. The parking lot down below looked empty without all of the vehicles of visitors, and only a selected few cars were parked closer to the front. Doctors and nurses most likely.
Just the thought of how empty the hospital was ― when it was still filled with patients ― had my chin sinking farther into my knees. After all, if it weren't for the full moon that stood strong in the night sky; this night would seem beautiful to anyone.
Anyone that wasn't stuck in a downward spiral.
"Spiral..." I whispered to myself, watching as my reflection stared back at me. "Spinning... black..."
An image formed in my mind's eye ― round and orange and worn down. Minutes ticked by before I recognized the old basketball I used to practice with, and the memory of how I always meant to give it to Romeo.
I didn't even feel it, but the faintest glint of a tear sparkled off the glass before disappearing under my jawline. It dropped down onto my hand; cold and still.
And that feeling spread throughout my entire body.
Slightly ― just barely audible ― the door to my room creaked open, a single thread of white light seeping in the dark abyss I wanted to stay in. So I settled with closing my eyes, leaning my head against the window to let more of the cold overtake my body.
"You shouldn't be sitting that close to a window when it's almost winter, kid."
Gildarts. The only person who was allowed permission to visit after hours. If I remember correctly, the reason he could was because of all the patients he had helped in getting their mental state in order. There was a time when I wish he was able to help me, but now... I'm not sure if there was anything anyone could do.
"I don't care," I whispered.
The door closed softly but I kept my eyes shut. I didn't want to see him; I didn't want to see the pity he felt for me. Because I didn't care anymore.
"Yes, you do," was his quiet reply.
I clenched my eyes shut tighter, refusing to give a damn about anything. Every time I cared, every time I loved; something always seemed to go wrong that I can't handle it anymore. My heart can only take so many hits before it just crumbles away into rubble.
I couldn't care about anything or anyone.
Never again.
"You don't understand, Gildarts," I said. "All of it ― it's all of my fault. So how can I care when everyone suffers because of how... how..."
