Wildflower (Kris Bryant)

6 A Broken Heart

Serenity

Since I am employed by the Cubs now I had to have a background check and a resume and actually have stuff to hand in. But Kris takes care of most of it and I get added to payroll which makes this all the more real. This was pretty much a win-win situation because they don't have any rules about dating within the organization and now I get to do some cool things as a part of the Cubs along with being a personal assistant. I actually quite enjoy this job. I like to organize and create and all that fun stuff. Turns out I was pretty good at it too, that or Kris' crush on me was so bad that he wouldn't tell me if I was doing a bad job. But from my perspective I was getting the job done. He was a busy one, that's for sure. He likes his meals planned at a certain time and he doesn't like to do a lot of stuff on whim. But I'm the same way so I get it. He's a simple guy trying to live a simple life, but for him I don't think that's possible. He's got that something special, and this city's gonna love him. I just know they will.

But for know Kris was away playing baseball. I try to watch him play but I really don't know much about the sport, or any sport at that. My older brother is a huge fan and he's super mad that I work with Kris. Just wait until I tell him we have a date picked out. I can only imagine the things that will come out of his mouth.

For now I was just going to make sure Kris gets to where he's supposed to be and he sees any important emails that effects him in any way.

This fine morning I roll out of bed and go straight over to my window. It's weird to be back home again. I was hoping it wouldn't ever come to this, but part of me always knew it would. Even when I was in college I could feel everything falling apart and I knew I would end up back home. I look out the window as the rain falls down like tears down someone's face. I smile because most people don't like a rainy day, but this is the perfect time to find a book and head out to the back patio to read to the sounds of nature.

So I hop in the shower and shave even though I didn't want to. But it's May and I'm ready for shorts and skirts so I had to stay on top of it. I braid my hair into pigtails and wash my face before getting ready for the day.

Once I'm satisfied I skip down stairs and head to the kitchen. I grab my pill organizer and take the right pills for today and take them without any drink. If you've been doing this as much as I have then it wouldn't phase you either. I take some food with my medication because if I don't I throw up. I sit in the kitchen and let my pills kick in before starting my day.

"Good morning sweetheart" my dad says as he comes down the stairs. We were the only two in this family that enjoyed mornings so him and I have the closest relationship. I love everyone in my family, but he's my favorite. He reads the newspaper and I read my book as we sit out on the back porch just existing.

"Good morning daddy. Do you want a cup of coffee" I offer as I grab his mug. I knew what he was going to say yes but I still ask.

"Yes please" he replies.

So I fix in his cup and slide it across the counter. He takes a long drink before letting out a "ahh" and setting his mug down. "How are you feeling this morning? Any side effects" he asks me.

I just shake my head as I tap the counter. I hated talking about this, but I couldn't keep things from him if my life depended on it. "I feel fine. This new medication doesn't make me as drowsy or dizzy. But if I don't eat I'll be nauseous so I wanted to make sure I ate enough before I went out to read" I explain.

"Alright. Just take it easy, okay? I don't want to lose you" he says softly. I look up and I see in his eyes this is hard for him. It was hard for everyone in my family, but that's the way it goes.

When I was born I had a ventricular septal defect in my heart. Basically that means when I was developing for those first nine months I developed a hole in my heart between the two main chambers. No one knows why it happens, but it does. It's actually quite common and most close up on their own once the kid is born. But the more extreme cases, such as mine, are hard to predict and so treatment is always such a shot into the dark for people like me. Those holes in my heart makes it so the blood flows more to one part of my heart than the other and it causes so many issues I have to deal with. This creates extra pressure in the main artery and it causes damage to the blood vessels. My heart is unstable and can be sent off if I'm not careful.

So because of the holes and it's side effects I developed Eisenmenger syndrome, which appeared after the first attempt to close the hole in my heart failed. A second surgery when I was a kid would have killed me and getting one now wouldn't undo the damage that was done for the past 21 years. The hole was getting bigger and bigger and now it's impossible to close. My heart is trying to fight it but the walls are starting to get so thick that it's failing. My blood work is coming back worse and worse with each doctors appointment and if I'm now careful I won't have much time left with this heart.

That's why I moved home, so my parents could watch over me and help me out. So I can be with them for as long as possible if things don't work out and I don't find a heart in time. There's a lot of symptoms that come with this condition, I can loose oxygen from my heart and turn blue before passing out, the bad blood can spill into my lungs causing me to cough it up or choke, I get dizzy easily and the headaches are abundant. I get out of breath just walking up stairs and my heart can beat out of rhythm sending my body into shock. If I'm not careful I can have a heart attack or heart failure or a stroke. At any moment my heart can just stop working and honestly it's terrifying. Every breath can be my last if I'm not careful.

So I take medicine for my irregular heart beat, blood thinners to prevent coughing up blood, iron for a boost and antibiotics to help with my messed up heart. This stuff won't cure me but it keeps the disease under control. For now. I was in line for a heart-lung transplant but finding both that would fit me is hard. Now that I'm older it's not too hard to find a heart since I won't grow so much and my heart wouldn't need to grow with me. But finding a heart with a good set of lungs is nearly impossible.

That's why I needed this job. The medication is already enough to pay for. But the doctors think I'll need a new heart by the end of this year and I'm running out of time to find one and enough money to get it. I take all the precautions so I don't get sick, I don't fly in air planes and I read because it doesn't mess with my heart. I do everything I can to stop the inevitable but the symptoms are still coming. That's why my parents were so protective of me. I'm their only girl and they already almost lost me a few times because of this whole heart thing. They don't want to let me go and I don't want to go. But I don't know what else to do. My mom is freaking out because baseball can be heart stopping at times and for me it wouldn't take much. My dad is scared that I'm not going to wake up one day because I get stressed out with work.

I'm scared that all I'm going to get is 21 years on this earth before my time comes to a end. I know, I shouldn't think this way, it's dark. But at the same time not thinking about it doesn't make it any easier. I'm lucky to have made it this far, I know I am. I just want to be able to experience love and to live in one of the stories in the books I read.

But Kris doesn't even know. He hasn't a clue as to what he's getting himself into and I didn't want him to know. People treat you differently when they know that you have a bad heart. And when Kris approached me that day in the park it wasn't cause he felt bad for me, it's because he saw me for the person I am and he decided that he wanted to be a part of that. Not all this. And I feel awful for lying but I couldn't deal with the sad eyes from someone else I care about. I get it enough from my family. I just hope I can get enough money to stay on my medication and live long enough to have a wonderful life.