Avengers imagines

Natti Nat

In which you're heartbroken over the loss of Nat

It's been exactly a year since I lost her. Since she died to bring me back from the snap. I laid in bed in what used to be our shared room in the compound, not wanting to get out of bed.

Usually everyone would check on me if I weren't getting out of bed, but this day everyone knew that I wasn't to be bothered. Not even for food.

I stared at the picture on my bedside table. It was us at some fancy restaurant on the nicer side of Manhattan. My head was rested on her shoulder and she was giving me a forehead kiss.

If I could relive that moment for the rest of my life, I know I'd never get sick of it. Reliving the exact same moment forever is so much better than having to accept the fact that my girlfriend is...

Not here anymore.

"She wouldn't want you to be upset in bed all day," Sam said as he walked into my room without knocking. "You know that, Y/n."

"Well it's not like she's here to scold me for it." I answered and turned my body away from him.

"C'mon, champ. You know if it was the other way around, you'd be upset at her for being like this."

I turned back to him. "I hate being without her-"

I choked on my words. I felt the hot liquid on my cheek before I closed my eyes. They didn't even threaten to spill, there were so many of them that they just cascaded down my cheek.

"I know." He came over to the bed and rubbed my back soothingly. "But you can't think about it as if it was an accident. Nat gave herself up so that you could come back. Steve says that you were the only thing she ever thought about in those 5 years that you and I were gone. She did what she had to do to make sure that everyone that she loves came back."

"It's not worth it." I muttered.

"What's not worth it?" He asked.

"Coming back," I shook my head, my voice shaking. "It isn't worth it if I don't have the one person who loves me, Sam."

"Thats not true." He answered.

"What?"

"She's not the only person who loves you," he smiled. "You have a whole team of people who love you. And I know it doesn't seem like much right now, but we all value and appreciate you. That's the life that Nat left for you. She knew you wouldn't be alone."

I smiled. For the first time that day I smiled.

"Thanks, Sammy." I sat up and hugged him.

"Of course," he hugged me back. "You want some ice cream?"

"Yeah, just give me a moment."

He nodded and walked out of my room without another word. I looked at the picture on my bedside table one last time. I kissed my fingers and laid them on Nat's face, a single tear dropping as I did so.

I don't think I'll ever love anyone the way I love her. I don't think I'll ever get over her death, but the least that I can do is live my life the way I know she wants me to.

So with that, I went to the compound kitchen and Sam fixed us both bowls of ice cream. We ate it out in the living room where the rest of the team greeted me and helped me feel better.

"I'm glad you're okay." Bucky said to me.

"Me too."

And I was.