I always knew that I was never going to be able to fit in. That I would always feel some empty void. The few people that I have said that to always say "It's because you miss your mom" but I always knew that was not true. I don't miss her. I would never wish to have her in my life again, not even if it was just us on the planet and I was all alone. I'd pick being alone.
The past few weeks have been hard. I've been taking it pretty hard...I think a lot has to do because of my school. But a giant part is because I miss my neice and nephew. That's the empty hole that I am feeling. Theres moments at night were I burst out crying and I just can't stop.
Three nights ago, I was watching the show Shameless and all the sudden I was thinking of how important family is and how much I missed seeeing my neice and nephew. Hell! My sister wouldn't have been able to be were she is if not for me. I helped raise those kids. I was always there for her and the kids. Then she took them away because she was mad that I went to Missouri to try and help my dad feel better because he lost his job.
But that night while I was crying, my friend called me. I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath. When I picked up, he knew something was wrong right away. Even though I tried my best to hide it. I had to expain to him what was wrong and I felt so fucking stupid. I hate when people hear or see me cry. I feel like they have something to hold agaisnt me then.
The point is, don't take family for granted because when you can't talk to them whenever. You will realize how much they mean to you and how much you wish you could talk to them. I still have two of their toys sitting on my shelf in my room. Still in boxes, waiting for the day I can give them their toys...
YOU ARE READING
Let My Life Be A Lesson
Non-FictionI know it's not saying much, that I'm only 16 and your first thought, "there's no way this girl can teach me anything". But you wont believe what's behind the curtains... I'm Amber Martinez and this is my story.
