Faking Feelings (Muke)

Prologue

My name is Michael Clifford, and while I may be the popular school 'clown', nobody knows that it's all an act.

I'm depressed, I don't know why, my life just always sucked... But only my best friends- Ashton Irwin & Calum Hood- know that... Everyone else thinks my life is perfect.

I used to get bullied at my old school, for being gay, despite the fact that I'm not fucking gay.

I moved from my shitty hometown to Sydney at the start of high school... New life, new friends, and somehow... Popularity.

I still wake up every morning, waiting for someone to laugh at me and tell me everything was just some big joke and that nobody actually likes me... So far that hasn't happened... But I can't help but wait for it anyway.

My first few weeks in Sydney- before my first year of high school started- scared the living shit out of my parents. I did nothing, day-in-day-out, but sleep. I barely ate and ended up being hospitalised for it.

I won't lie, it was a pretty scary experience... But I just didn't know what to do.

The doctor told my parents I was depressed... And it made them cry... Which broke my heart... But I didn't know what to do about it.

Therapy sessions every Friday afternoon, no if's or but's, and I was given a prescription for anti-depressants... My life felt worse than it did before I'd moved.

When I started school, I somehow become popular... But I was still depressed... And I still had to go to those stupid therapy sessions, even though they made me feel worse.

About a month ago, just before my first day of year 11, my therapist decided I didn't need to go to therapy anymore... Which was weird 'cause I'm still depressed... Maybe it's the fact that my doctor took me off the anti-depressants recently and I didn't try and kill myself over it? I don't know...

But my therapist gave me a diary, she told me to write an entry in it everyday. Once the diary was full, I would go back for another therapy session, just for a check up type thing to see if her method was working for me.

So every day after school, I lock myself away in my room and write as much as I can. I try to write at least one page, because that's what my therapist suggested, even though she said one sentence was better than nothing.

Anyway... There is this guy that moved to our school last year, his name is Luke Hemmings... And he reminds me of me at my old school.

Luke is an outcast, a freak, the gay kid everyone picks on. Only thing is, unlike me, Luke is gay... he has admitted to it.

Today at school, Calum & Ashton gave me a dare... A dare that I stupidly accepted...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Stupid Diary,

So there's this boy that I've been dared to date... And I'm a horrible person for accepting the dare...

- Michael x