Little girl's wild side

Chapter 7

Sindhu and Gautham continued to banter. But after a while silence filled between them. Sindhu started to walk along the shore and Gautham followed suit. After a while Gautham reached out for Sindhu's hands and made her look at him and asked in a soft voice, "Why did you panic??"

"You just caught me off guard I guess. Moreover, just the term "Marriage" scares me shitless." Sindhu brushed off Gauthams hands and walked away from the shore and sat on the sand. Seeing that Gautham was still standing, she patted the space next to her silently asking him to sit near her.

"As I said, you don't know me well Gautham.", Sindhu said looking sideways at Gautham.

Gautham once again reached out for Sindhu's hands and held it in his. He looked at their joined hands and the looked up at Sindhu and asked in an earnest voice, "Then tell me about youself because I wanna know everything about you."

Sindhu let out a loud sign. Her whole life flashed past her.

"Things are not that simple Gautham. I am not telling you that my life so far has been a bed of roses. I mean no one grows up to be 27 without their fair share of emotional drama in their lives right. I had my heart broken enough times by friends, family, and boyfriends. But that was never severe enough to warrant the degree of a mess I was."

Sindhu kept quiet after that. She seemed to be in deep thoughts. And with each thought, her eyes turned colder. She seemed to distance herself from everything around her. Gautham gently squeezed her hands which brought Sindhu out of her thoughts. She shifted and took her purse from the bag and took out a small coin out and gave it to Gautham.

"I am not yet ready to go into all the details and have a heartfelt conversation. But I thought you should know this before you made any sort of decision regarding me. I... I am a recovering alcoholic."

"That coin... it is proof that I have been sober for one year. I... got into the habit when I was working in Bangalore. And gradually it spiraled out of control. And let me tell you recovering from it is not as glamorous as it's shown in movies. You know- your girlfriend asks you to stop drinking and you can just stop. That doesn't happen in real life. It's very easy to lapse back to your habits.

But drinking is just the icing on the cake. Things I did when I was in Bangalore- I won't say they are wrong but they won't exactly come under the societal standards of how a well-educated girl with a proper upbringing would act. Only thing I can promise is I never killed someone. I probably did everything else you can possibly perceive in your wildest dreams."

Sindhu paused and took a deep breath and continued after a while," I finally sobered up when I... I was found surrounded by a pool of my own blood in the middle of the night in a ditch"

Sindhu paused for a long time and continued looking sideways at Gautham and continued.

"I don't have enough confidence to promise companionship of a lifetime when I got myself almost killed for a few hours of high. Just the thought of what would have happened to my parents if I hadn't pulled through that day sends a chill through my spines.

That one thought is what kept me going this past one year. That I shouldn't be such an ungrateful bitch and put my parents through the shit they don't deserve."

Sindhu let out a sigh and rubbed her hand over her face as if trying shake away her memories and thoughts that kept bombarding her one after another.

"My parents and your parents- All they know is I had a habit of drinking. And yea I told your mum. But they don't know the severity of my problem. Maybe your mum would have reacted differently if she knew the severity but I was very surprised when she let out a delighted laugh at my guilty face when I confessed to her. I mean if it was Bangalore or Mumbai- it's different. But in Tamil Nadu- I know a girl with such a habit is a taboo especially a Middle-class girl like me."

Sindhu let out a frustrated sign running her hands through her hairs and stood up agitated.

"Most frustrating part is that I knew the risks. I very well knew how a bottle can drown you and still took that first sip all cause I thought I was too good to lose to a bottle."

Seeing as Sindhu was getting too agitated, Gautham gestured her to sit back. Sindhu took a deep breath and sat back. Even then she kept fidgeting with her hands. Gautham reached out and put his hands on top of hers and said softly," Hey... It's okay." beckoning her to look at her while rubbing his other hand over her head.

Sindhu looked up at Gautham and said in an exhausted voice," It's just I feel so stupid when I recall all of it now and I don't like that feeling."

"I know one of these days my past is going to come back and bite me on my back and I am prepared to face it but I don't want to put others through it for my own mistakes."

Sindhu just ran her hands over her face roughly and let out a frustrated breath and got up.

"Can we just go now??", Sindhu asked, her dark mood seeped through her voice. Gautham stood up, ruffled her hair with a soft smile and walked towards his bike with a hand over Sindhu's shoulders. They silently strolled back, matching each other's steps.

Once they neared the parking, Gautham saw the longing look on Sindhu's face so he asked, "You want to drive??"

"No.", she said quite firmly. After a long pause, she ran her fingers his seat and said," You know there was a time when I was absolutely ecstatic whenever I was behind the wheels. It was impossible to stop my grin whenever I drove, so much so that my cheeks will start aching. That's how much I used to enjoy it. But now, it's just a gateway to memories. The memories I regret with all my might."