Little girl's wild side

Chapter 32

Gautham did not know what to think. He felt as if a freight train had run over and railroaded him. He felt disoriented and completely knocked out.

If Sindhu had did something typical like bringing him to a fancy dinner or professed something in a dramatic manner with sparkling lights or fancy music, he could have just given her a big happy grin and swept her off her feet in joy. But this, he felt as if someone suddenly punched him awake and told him he was God. That's how flabbergast he was.

He never in a million years thought that Sindhu would give her trust to him in a silver platter in such a beautiful manner. One glance at these painting, you will know she is not just showing you a piece of art. But rather she was stripping her soul bare in front of you. And it brought him to his knees.

At that moment he prayed to all the gods he could possibly think of to give him the strength to live up to trust she had given him. For him for some reason this felt more precious than love. His own confession paled in front of what Sindhu was expressing at that moment.

But that is only one layer of his emotions. The content of the paintings left him not only shocked but also staggering. He never really realized how dark things were in Sindhu's head.

Gautham did not want to be so conceited and think that suddenly he could just pop up and solve all her problems for her. In all honestly, he did not really think he can, even if he wanted to. Because he knew battles with your own self are the toughest to win. He can be there with her but more than that he did not think he could do much. But a part of him was also scared of what would happen if she lost to her demons. Will she end up doing everything she had painted?? That thought was like a bucket of cold water poured over his head. He did not even want to consider the possibility. It scared him out of his wits. But with great effort he calmed down and decided to take one step at a time and think carefully before he acted. Because he knew Sindhu was very fragile at the moment. He did not want to end up saying something rash and end up hurting her. He wanted to handle her with the greatest care he could possibly give her at the moment.

When Sindhu spoke, he shook his head in order to break free from his thoughts. That's when he finally looked up at Sindhu.

She was just standing there in the middle of the room with her head hung low. She was still nervously fidgeting with her hands. She almost looked scared... Scared of what??? Gautham could not figure out.

Gautham tentatively walked to her. He gently tucked some of her lose strands of hair behind her ears. Then he cupped her face with his hands and made her look at him.

Sindhu stared back at him blankly. She did not know how to react or what expression she had on her face at that moment. She never shared these paintings with anyone ever. They were like her dirty secrets she wanted to keep hidden from everyone she ever knew. She was terrified of how people would react to the darker spectrums of her mind. She had tried to make sense of them her whole life. These thoughts had been in her head long before her alcoholism. May be it would have been easier to accept them if she had a valid reason... but the fact that she never really had any reason to feel sad or depressed always drove her crazy.

That's the main reason why she never shared these parts of her with anyone. Cause the first thing they are going to ask you is 'Why??' And she never really had any answers to the question why she felt like that.

When she was living with her parents, they poured out of her in form of words and after she was comfortable behind brushes and paints and got her privacy, they poured out of her in form of colors.

But for the first time she felt that Gautham would understand without her having to tell anything. Maybe not completely but he would understand enough to not ask her questions.

Even though she was confident of this, Sindhu still had that teeny tiny voice of negativity telling her Gautham will be scared away or will start looking at her differently for the pathetic self she was or will question her sanity- not that she can claim to be completely sane anyways. But this voice was whispering endlessly into her ears driving her crazy.

Gautham was intently looking at Sindhu the whole time. He can see her brains working overtime on unnecessary things. Even though he could not know what exactly she was thinking, he could clearly see the fear.

"Hey... Thank you." Gautham said through the lump at the base of his throat and then placed a chaste kiss on her crown.

Gautham wanted to sit and have a proper talk with her. He did not want to pry but he still wanted to hear somethings from her in words. He looked around. Then he took her hands in his and led her to one corner of the room. He sat down on the floor with his legs stretched out and his back leaning against the walls. Then he brought down Sindhu with him and let her sit on his laps. He cradled her like a kid and let her lie on his chests. He coddled her gently by rubbing his hands over the back of her head. Sindhu snuggled in and smiled in content like a pampered cat. All her over thinking and worries seemed to be for nothing when he held her like this... so carefully and so gently.

"You know you should get some furniture in this place." Gautham commented seeing the lone bean bag lying around on the other side of the room.

"This is more comfortable." Sindhu replied with a very satisfied smile dancing on her face.

"Comfortable for whom???" Gautham asked with a smirk.

"Of course, for me." Sindhu replied beaming at Gautham. She even circled her arms around him and almost completely laid on top of him to prove a point.

Silence ensued between them. Gautham patiently waited for Sindhu to talk on her own. He just kept stroking her head gently and placed soft kisses over her head every few minutes. He knew he could not bring himself to ask the questions. Partly because he was afraid of her answers and partly because he wanted Sindhu to take her time and talk when she is good and ready and not because he asked a stupid question. He wouldn't mind one bit even if she did not say anything today.

Sindhu took the first step out of her walls. That was actually enough for him. He could wait. Sindhu can take her sweet time to come to him.