Little girl's wild side

Chapter 33

Sindhu reached out and took Gautham's hands into hers and started playing with it. She kept drawing something on his palms. Or she would poke with her fingers. But she did not say anything. She just kept staring at nothing while her hands subconsciously kept playing with his.

After what seemed like forever, Sindhu started talking.

"You know that phoenix in my house. It was the first piece I drew using other colors after all these." Sindhu said gesturing towards all the black and red paintings.

"When I completed that piece, for the first time in many months I was able to smile. It was perfect. In fact it was more than perfect. I couldn't stop from grinning whenever I looked at it. That was the first positive feeling I had in a very long time. I felt alive. That is why I took it home rather than keeping it here like I always do because I needed some reminder. I felt like I will drown fully back in if I did not have something to remind me to pull myself back up. That is why that painting was not just brushes and paints. It served as my anchor which I needed to stay afloat." Sindhu explained.

Gautham listened quietly but wrapped his arms around her and brought her even more closer to him if that was even possible. He buried her face on his chest and kept his hands protectively over her head.

Sindhu shifted slightly and laid more comfortably.

After a pause she continued, "I don't know how to explain Gautham. I just... when I am with you, I feel like I can breathe again."

"Me... My home... the way I grew up... My parents... I don't know where to start. In whole of my life there were only two people who had emotionally affected me ever. One is my mum and then Shreya, my college mate. Of course this was without taking into account my three years in Bangalore. Those three years were worlds apart and it going to take more time for me to come clean regarding them. But for now I want to tell you about the other two."

Sindhu took a deep breath before continuing, "You would have noticed I do not have that great a relationship with my mum now. I barely talk to her. Okay I do talk to her. I joke around a lot with her. But I do not have a heartfelt one on one conversation with her. You know what I mean?? But there was a time when she was my only source of companionship. From young I had always been slightly introverted."

"You?? Introvert??" Gautham interrupted with his brows slightly raised.

"Okay you can't really say introvert per say. But I had extreme aversion to any form of social interactions. I barely made any friends in my school. I spent more time turning pages than actually talking to people throughout the whole of my schooling actually. And the habit of reading books- it was introduced to me by my mum. We would endlessly discuss book after book. But the conflict came when I decided to quit veena.

"Veena is my mum's one sole dream. It was her obsession. Since she couldn't learn it, she sent me to classes from a very young age. And I was pretty good at it too. But I did not have the passion my mum wanted me to have. I used to sneak out of classes and skip practices. It drove mum crazy. But I never really quit since I knew how much it meant to her.

"But then one day, it all became too much for me. I couldn't handle the exhaustion. Or maybe I just wanted to spite her... I really have no idea what I was thinking. I just went up to her and told her I wanted to quit. And that I won't ever play. Originally I was not even going to go through with it. I was not being serious. I just wanted her to ease up a little bit. I just wanted her to stop with the emotional blackmails every time I skipped class or practice."

"But the way she reacted... she went ballistic... she reacted as if I committed a treason or something. I was 15 when she held a knife to her throats and threatened me to go back to classes and at that moment I... I did not even know how I was supposed to react. I just stood there. The shock and the pain were so immense. I hated ever learning veena with every cell of my being."