Little girl's wild side

Chapter 31

Sindhu had a very serious expression on her face. Gone were her happy to go lucky smile. But along with seriousness, she also seemed terribly nervous. Gautham did not understand what was going on. Sindhu just called him up suddenly in the middle of the goddamn night and asked him to pick her up saying she wants to take him somewhere. Even though this was not the first time this happened, her serious expression actually scared him. Their marriage was in two days.

What Gautham was most afraid of when it comes to marriage was not the responsibility or the commitment. In fact he cannot wait to start a life with Sindhu. But it was Sindhu herself that scared him the most. He was afraid that things will become too much for her and she will run away leaving him behind. The most messed up part is, even if Sindhu actually left him at the alter; he knew for a fact that he won't feel betrayed. Because he knew that Sindhu had a reckless side to her and he came to love this recklessness with whole of his heart. Thus he was willing to take this risk for her and with her.

It is not that he did not trust Sindhu. In fact it was quite the opposite. He wanted her to have absolute trust in him to be herself around him. He did not want her to feel suffocated around him at any point of time in their marriage. So if Sindhu truly did not want the marriage, he did not want to bind her in the name of love and responsibility.

When he thought of all this Sindhu's serious expression made him want to run far away from here. Even though he had rationally come to all sorts of conclusions already, he was not actually ready to face the situation if it actually occurs right this moment. Thus when he followed Sindhu to where ever she was taking him to, his expression was that of a man facing his doom.

But Sindhu was soo excited and nervous at the same time. Thus she did not notice the gloominess in Gautham's face. Since both of their minds were working over time, there was an unsettled silence between them. And both did not bother with each other.

Gautham was soo over his head that he did not realize Sindhu was actually taking him to her apartment. Sindhu quickly opened her apartment and pulled Gautham with her to her art room. She left Gautham at the entrance and went and stood in the middle of the room with her head hung down and her hands and legs were fidgeting in nervousness.

Gautham was waiting for Sindhu to say something but when she remained silent, Gautham at last looked up. But when he saw Sindhu just standing there nervously, Gautham was extremely confused.

That's when Sindhu started talking in a very meek voice; words stumbled out of her mouth, "I never done anything like this before. So I don't know if you will like it or not. But I... I just wanted somehow convey as to how much I appreciate your presence in my life... I... Since I am not very good with my words, this is the only way I could think of. These pieces... You are the first one to see them." Sindhu did not know what else to say.

It took a while for Gautham to comprehend what Sindhu was saying. But when he did, that's when he finally peeled his eyes off of Sindhu and gave attention to his surroundings.

And when his eyes met with the wall opposite to him, his breathing hitched. There were at least a hundred painting covering all of the walls in her art room. They were clearly abstract.

Individually none of them actually made any sense. And no two pieces was of the same size nor did they have any frames. Each one was done in a stretched canvas. They were all different sizes of rectangles and squares. When you look at it one at a time, all you would be able to see is a splash of red on black. But when arranged properly, every 20 paintings or so formed into an actual picture like a jigsaw puzzle. And each of those pictures actually portrayed something soul crushingly dark.

Most peculiar part is that all of them were in Black and Red. No other color was used except for in one painting. That one piece was actually completely different from the others. This one was an assault of colors. It was bright and lively. And Gautham could easily tell what the picture was. It was of him and Sindhu in Mahabalipuram beach. Where he first said he wanted to marry her. Even this was an abstract but he could still make out the silly grins on their faces.

Gautham's eyes were glued to the painting. He forgot where he was until Sindhu talked suddenly from beside him, "This was the first time ever I painted a human face, so I don't know if I did it right."

When he heard this and when he saw the painting. The thought that she did something so incredible just for him- it blew his mind. His emotions were hay wired. His earlier nervousness and the pleasant surprise that he actually received everything got jumbled up and made it hard for him to breathe.

Gautham pulled Sindhu toward him and hugged her tightly. Sindhu did not resist. She rested her head into his chest and circled her hands around him. It did not make sense but she felt the most comfortable and safe in his embrace.

It took a long while before Gautham let her go. Even then he did not let her go completely.

He held her face between his hands and looked into her eyes intently and asked, "So these are for me??"

Sindhu just nodded while her face was still held between his hands.

"So you are not going to elope from the wedding??" Gautham asked again.

Sindhu frowned in confusion as to where did that a question come from but she still shook her head vigorously.

"Thank you," Gautham said sincerely and then hugged her tightly once again. Sindhu simply snuggled closer. It was pure bliss for both of them. After a long while, Gautham let go of her and took a tour around.

Each and every one of them was soul suckingly dark. All the assorted pieced formed into at least a dozen of actual pictures. There was one of a single eye in tears. It was particularly disturbing when the whole thing was done in blood red. And the sadness depicted in those eyes where such that as if they were literally living in hell.

Many of them were actually suicidal. And then there was one of a person drowning in sea of people.

And then there was of course the painting of the lip. They were actually curled up into a smile but when you see them in those colors and set up amongst the other pictures; they were actually one of the saddest smiles ever.

And then there was this painting of a bottle of booze with visible cracks and red liquid dipping out of those cracks.

The most depressing one of them was of a little girl crouching under a small table. She was hugging her knees tightly and resting her head between them and making herself as small as she possibly could. She looked like a prey being cornered by a predator. Just that the whole world seemed to be the predator to her. You cannot see her face. All you could see are her hairs tumbling over her knees. But you can almost feel the tears running down her eyes and her hands trembling. It was almost haunting especially when you see them in those two colors. It is one of those pictures that you wish you hadn't seen. But once you do, it would take every last ounce of your restraint to look away from it.

All these paintings showed two things in its most raw form- loneliness and despair.

Gautham's breathing hitched when he observed each painting and thought of Sindhu's mental state when she had painted each one of them. He wished with everything in his being to be able to erase all this negativity that loomed over Sindhu.

"These are the things I painted when I was at my lowest. I had trapped myself in this apartment for 6 months to sober up. And painting them was the only way I could cope. My mind was not in a very good place at that time as you can see." Sindhu finally said bringing Gautham out of his trance.