A Thousand Words *COMPLETE*

Chapter Ten

CASSIE'S POV

I wake up and head to Ryan's bathroom to release my bladder and brush my teeth, when I go back into the bedroom I see Ryan isnt in bed and a note on the side table it reads;

Cass
Wont be long gone to get breakfast. Call if you need me.
Love ya
Ryan x

Now I'm awake properly reality smacks me right in the face and the pain in my chest resurfaces its just unbearable I've never ever felt a pain like it, it's literally like someone is sitting on my chest and breathing is a struggle, my eyes stinging from all the crying I've done and my head hurts. It's been 3days now and it dont seem to be getting any easier. I really dont know how I'm gonna go on with out Mac he wasnt so bad was he? I mean I probably brought it on most of the time I know I can be a handful and sometimes I'm not the easiest person in the world to live with.

Mac showed me things I've never experienced before and I learnt alot about myself in the process, he took me places I've never even thought of going and he treated me like such a princess always showering me in compliments and whenever something went wrong no one else was ever there only Mac. I remember one christmas I started to worry about the Christmas food shop, I'd left it so late that year as I was swamped with work and didnt have the energy on the weekends then one evening after work i came home to a kitchen full of food for Christmas he didnt forget one thing, who's gonna be there for me like Mac was let's be honest. Shit! The thought dawns on me, Its going to be christmas soon what the fuck am I gonna do?! I loved my christmases with Mac just the two of us, Charlotte spent the day and night with their parents and then all his and Charlotte's family would visit boxing day I'm gonna miss that so bad. After losing Lacky and my mum I craved that family time because I knew I'd never get that with my little family again so when christmas rolled around I looked forward to having a house full of happiness.

I cant do this. I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel just black darkness surrounding me it feels as though the walls are just closing in on me. Suddenly I feel sick to my stomach and i find myself running to the toilet. I dont even no how I'm being sick I've hardly ate since I left Mac, I just physically cant everytime I try to eat something I gag i cant stand the feel or taste of anything in my mouth.

I lay in Ryan's bed and unwanted thoughts just consume my mind, I dont think there's any tears left in me to cry. I just dont think I can do life without Mac he was my life we planned everything together I stood in a wedding dress shop trying on the perfect wedding dress for goodness sake everything I've ever dreamed of and Mac knew that and he was gonna be the man to make it a reality to make all my dreams in life come true now I feel like that's been snatched away and I dont have anyone to blame but me I left Mac and I should have stayed things would have got better eventually I really believe that I mean that's what kept me going for so long having the hope and the belief it would all turn around. I toy with the idea of just ending it all here and now I could just take some pills from Ryan's kitchen and it would all be over, I wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore I wouldnt have to feel sick at the thought of bumping into Mac with another woman, lets face it that day would come and I dont think I'm ever gonna be prepared for that, the only thing stopping me from ending it all right here and right now is knowing Ryan would be back with breakfast soon and I dont want the risk of being kept alive by ambulance people to be an option, no! I need to think how can I end it all once and for all without the risk of being kept alive by paramedics.

Ryan enters the room pulling me from my thoughts
"Hey McDonalds breakfast" he says holding up the Mcdonalds paper bags and smiling. I just smile back, normally I love my food and I know Ryan is trying his hardest to get me to eat, his always offering my favourite foods and Mcdonalds breakfast is definitely a weak spot for me. I'll give it a try. I start by drinking some of the tea he got me and then pick at the hash brown i manage to actually eat some with out gagging so it's a start. Ryan smiles at me and says
"How you feeling Cass?"
"I'm ok" I lie and give a small smile. Ryan sighs in response so I know he knows I'm lying damn him his always known my feelings it's scary. I take a small bite into the sausage mcmuffin and oh my god it tastes like heaven. I've missed food! I continue eating and Ryan's laughing
"What?" I ask
"I'm glad to see you eating Cass but fuck me you're eating that like your life depends on it" he laughs. I laugh in response and this time it's a real laugh something I didnt feel I would ever experience again if I'm being honest but he always knows how to cheer me up. Maybe just maybe life wont be so bad so long as Ryan is around.

I feel a little better after eating and having a shower and Ryan can clearly see that as he hasnt stopped smiling at me I'd love to know the thoughts that go through that mans head sometimes I really would.
"Come on get ready I'm taking you out" Ryan says
"Where?" I ask
"It's a suprise" he smirks
"Ry I really dont feel like going out let's stay in and watch movies" I reply
"Cass weve been doing that for days, let's get some fresh air in your lungs come on I promise your like it" he insists
"Fine" I pout
He laughs, I throw my wet towel at him, I cant be bothered to dry my hair so I go to put it up in a bun but Ryan grabs my arm
"No Cass, dry and do your hair. Theres no rush" Ryan says softly
"Its fine like this I really ain't got the energy" I say
"Please Cass" he pleads
So I give in, why it's so important to him for me to do my hair I'll never know but I plug the hairdryer in and make a start I guess it's the least I can do really.

A couple of hours later and we've pulled up outside the shopping mall. Shopping really?! I really ain't in the mood for this. Ryan must read my thoughts because he looks at me rolls his eyes and says
"Dont worry we ain't going shopping. Not today anyway. Close your eyes"
"What?" I laugh
"You heard Cass close your eyes. No peeking" he replies
I do as he says and close my eyes and I dont peek as he guides me to wherever we are going. I dont need to peek I trust Ryan with my life and to be honest at this point I really dont care if he was guiding me to the edge of a cliff to push me off. After what feels like forever but was probably just a few minutes
"Open" ryan says excitedly. I open my eyes and I'm stood in front of a nail shop I look at Ryan confused
"Come on" he says dragging me by my hand into the nail shop.
"Alright love, this lady needs her nails done them fake things use put on and her toes painted" he says to the lady behind the counter
"Of course this way" she says hand gesturing me towards an available seat at one of the nail stations I laugh at Ry he shrugs and takes a seat on the sofa by the door we had just entered. After around 50minutes I have a baby pink set of nails and my toenails to match, Ryan pays the lady and we leave. I give Ryan a massive hug when we leave the shop and it's because he knew what I needed before I even did I feel good. I'm glad I dried my hair aswell for the first time in forever I feel pretty again.
"Thank you Ry. I love you, you know that?" I say letting go of him before I hug him to death. He laughs
"I love you too. We ain't finished yet come on" he replies. Ok now I'm baffled what else does this man have up his sleeve today. His like a man on a mission.

Hey Lovelies!!

Poor Cassie, she really is heartbroken over Mac 😔

Will Ryan be able to pull her through this dark time?

Or will she give up and end it all?

Also what's Ryan got planned for Cassie next??

Tell me your thoughts in the comments and dont forget to hit the vote button if you're enjoying my story ⭐

Thanks for reading see use in Chapter Eleven 😘

Toni xx