Changed me

My Story

Nile

 "Hey don't over exert yourself too much." Manny's voice came from the doorway as she watched me packed my things. The hospital was finally releasing me and I could not be any happier. The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. Emotions that had been stored up for way too long. However, lucky for me these emotions were good. When the doctor told me he was confident that I was okay and the swelling in my head had gone down I just about cried.

I have always hated hospitals. I avoided visiting them as much as I could and since most of my injuries were meant to be hidden I had no need to go to the hospital. Doctors did not scare me as much as the idea of them finding out about what was truly going on. For the past three weeks, so I have been told, this room has housed me. The bed was where I laid unconscious because of something my father did. I have not had the time to process how I felt but I knew without a shadow of doubt, nothing was going to be the same.

Listening to the persistent girl standing in the doorway I took a breath and sat down. I would never admit this to her but I did need a break. Although I had been feeling better I still needed to rest every now and then. Touching my head lightly I was still getting used to not having hair on my head. The cut on my head was still bandaged up and a little sensitive to touch. Uncle Mike told me that the swelling in my face had gone down as well. He came to visit me everyday that I was here and often stayed with me throughout the night. My room was rarely ever empty a stark contrast from how my life has felt.

At various times throughout the past few days I have watched the people who flooded into my room and held down the tears. I did not want to cry in front of them or even really get into how I was feeling. However, as I laid on that bed and listened to Manny, Jacob and Lex fill me in on all of the things I have missed out on my heart could not help but feel thankful. Their laughter filled the quiet room and I fed off of their excitement. Apparently I had missed the beginning of Jacob and Lex's relationship. Manny teased her relentlessly but in true Lex fashion she was not fazed. Jacob on the other hand turned an unnatural shade of red.

To get back at Manny Lex told me stories about how Manny and Sasha got into it over a comment Sasha made. Without any shame at all Manny looked at me with a completely straight face as if daring me to question her actions.

" I have been waiting for the moment Manny would beat the hell out of that girl." Lex's hand never left Jacob's and I could not help but find it amusing.

" I was not going to hit her unless she hit me first." There was bite in that bark. Manny's eyes told me she meant every word that she said and if she needed to she would gladly provide a demonstration. The whole conversation was filled with laughter and moments of seriousness that none of us wanted to sit in.

"Hey come back." Manny now sat next to me on the hospital bed. Her voice pulled me back to the here and now. My reality right now was that I was going home. Another part of this reality is that I did not know exactly what home was. Was I supposed to return to that house where it all happened? Was I going back to the DeVoux house? No one filled me in because they wanted me to focus on my recovery. However, I could not ignore that there were still nagging parts of my story.

"Nile" Her soft voice was pleading with me and I knew my distance was scaring her slightly. However, I could not help it. My mind seemed to be a never ending film on repeat.That is the thing about pain, we can run from it as much as we want to but it demands to be dealt with. I have spent the majority of my life pushing my pain down. I hid the moments that defined my childhood in the darkest parts of my mind and if it were up to me I would not let anyone into it.

"Yeah" finding her hand I squeezed it softly before bringing her hands up to my lips. I felt her shiver under my touch. I would be lying if I said it did not make me happy to know I had an affect her. The way she reacted never gets old to me.