MTP #3: Only One

//Twenty

Last day na ng Intrams so ibig sabihin mamaya na ang Fashion Show.
Umaga pa naman at mahaba pa ang araw.
Busy ako sa pag tingin ng picture sa slr
Nang pumasok ang mag couple.
"Okay, so we're going to have 6 shots okay?" sabi ko habang tutok parin sa slr para ayusin ito.
I am ready to take pictures pero pagtingin ko sa cam. It was not JUST a couple.
habang finofocus ko ang camera sa kanila ay nanginginig ang aking mga kamay.
They we're just cute. simple. couple.
But why does it feel so strange.
Yeah, I know. Because I love him
Hindi ko tinanggal ang camera upang matakpan ang kaba ko.
ang mga luhang nagbabadya sa mga mata ko.
5th shot was unexpected.
She kissed him and he has this facial expression I never saw. Or maybe he does, when we were still together.
Maybe.

and 6th shot just really really broke my heart.
I was once at her place.
Looking in his eyes, he's looking back at me.
Being drowned by the way he looks. Being drowned with his love was the best feeling.
"15 minutes. 15 minutes para makuha ang picture. pwede niyong balikan." sabi ko looking at their pictures holding my breath. I know it's too much time I'll be taking compared to others. Pero kasi iba sila sa iba kong customer.
My God, Jennica when will I cannot be affected? I hate myself for being this. for being so weak. so vulnerable. I don't know what to do with myself anymore!
"Oh. No. We'll wait." sabi ni Trish tumango nalang ako at pumasok kung nasaan ang computer.
I started editing but then I realized myself staring.
Staring with those smiles. I missed him. I missed him so much and I'm missing him.
I don't know how long I'll take to move on. Maybe.. Maybe forever? I even felt that I was born to love him. But I never knew that I was born to be miserable
Pagkatapos ma print nung picture ay agad ko itong ibinigay sa kanila.
"Nice service you have." sabi ni Trish.
"I suggest na itry niyo rin ni Thomas yung Wedding booth sa harap ng booth mo. No biggy" sabi ni Trish at sa isang iglap umalis na sila. I never looked again. Not at their backs. not at his back.
I let out a sigh. I'll never be moving on.

***
Lunch. Pero kahit katiting hindi ako makaramdam ng gutom. Tanghaling tapat. But I need to eat. I should not starve myself to death. Hell no! I'm a suicidal lover. Mahal ko ang buhay ko.
talagang may mga araw lang na I can't eat and vomit instead.
I recieved a beep on my phone.
Thomas: Hey, fetch you for lunch?
Reply: I can't no appetite for today.
Thomas: For today? Or for everyday? Come on.
Oh well I can't even decide where to eat, at kung saan ako gaganahan so I decided to say yes and In a minute or few, Thomas will be here.
"Saan tayo pupunta?" I asked nang sumakay kami sa kanyang sasakyan.
"You'll know." Then he wink. Oh come on that wink that could make a girl fall.
"Thomas! Hindi ako pwedeng magtagal."
"Come on Ms. Gonzales, stop freaking out and stressing yourself. Hindi tayo lalayo okay? We'll be back on time." sabi ni Thomas.
I just rested myself on his car.
Simple lang yung kakainan namin.
Ito ay isang karenderya. Pero hindi yung karenderya that you'll say eww.
Simpleng karenderya with green walls and blue tables. Pink cashier.
Very colorful I say.
"Ayan, nang ganahan ka naman." sabi niya.
"Thank you." sabi ko. Smiling at him.
"For what?" ismid niya.
"For everything. For not giving up. For.. being there." sabi kong muli.
In a second he didn't look at me.
"Something wrong?" I asked.
umiling siya "Ano ka ba, ang simple lang non." sabi niya sa akin.
"Simple pero ang laki ng epekto. I just hope you're one of the person who'll never leave." sabi ko
**
Hapon na at ipinaubaya ko na sa mga ka members ko yung booth
handa na yung runway at yung iba pa.
Simple. Black and white.
"Eto na yung susuotin mo." April gave me my dress. a simple white dress. design of course by me.
and everything we're fine.
Madami dami na ring nasa loob ng pagdarausan nitong event.

Ang mga lalakad sa runway ay pawang mga teachers ang pumili dahil marunong at may experience na sila and they promised that they won't cause me shame.

"Start within 10 minutes"
Sabi nung isang crew, mabilis lang naman akong mag bihis at mabilis lang rin ang pagmamake up.
Simple lang ang make up.

"And now we present to you JennicaG's collection"
I know its kinda boring. Pero eto ang trabaho ko e.
At the end I walked there and gave some gift certificates.
Less than an hour lang ang fashion show.
Pagbaba ko sa waiting area namin ay nandon si thomas.
He gave me flowers and smiled "congrats" he said.
Tinanggap ko iyon. And nagpasalamat.
"I'll wait you out there" sabi niya
Tumango ako.
Nang matapos akong magbihis ay dumaan ako sa fire exit dahil madami dami pa ring tao.

Paglabas ko at pagpunta sa parking lot. I never expected this.
"What? Tuloy parin ang plano! Come on!"
"Stop it. Tama na. Nasayo na e. Tumigil ka na!"
"I won't stop until she's nothing. Hanggang wala nang matira sa kanya! Hanggang masagad ko ng sakit sa kanya!"
"Ayoko! Hindi ko gagawin ang gusto mo!" He shouted
"Ayaw mo? Nagawa mo na Thomas! Nasaktan mo na siya kasi inakala niya nasa tabi mo lang siya! Akala niya mapagkakatiwalaan ka! Well, stupid her."
"I was! Kung alam mo lang kung gaano ko kaayaw gawin yung pinapagawa mo! Oo sa simula napagkatuwaan ko! She's weak pero hindi ko nakita yon. All i want was to play with her heart pero hinding hindi ko yun matututok sa akin. She loves Patrick."
Napatigil sila sa pag uusap ng marinig nila ang chain sa bag ko at ang pagbagsak nito.

"Jen.."
I looked at him and i broke. Hindi ko mapigilan yung luha ko.
"Ayan. Tapos ka na. You don't need to fake. Nasaktan mo na ako." Sabi ko at tumalikod
"Jennica, let me explain"
"Stop. Ayoko na." Sabi ko at naglakad palayo.

Am I strong enough for all this bullshts?
I breathed. I guess I am.