Counting Stars • [Casey x Izzie]

All For You

Izzie

"Alright, class," Our English teacher demanded our attention but mine laid solely on the notebook in front of me. "Fifteen minutes before the bell goes, I want those pieces on my desk before you leave."

I stared emptily at the few lines I've written. Each line ranging in font as it got more and more difficult to write as I went. I read what I had on the page; 

Dearly beloved,

One day I'll have you in my arms again.

One day, I'll be free.

One day you'll take back your place, standing right next to me.

I'm sorry that it came to this.

I'm sorry I'm a fool.

I hope that you know I did it all;

As every letter was etched onto paper with a sharp end inked by a bleeding heart, I had no consciousness of what I was writing. However, reading back on the words now I might have been the most awake I had been all week. 

I think I cried... no, I definitely cried that night, and every night after that until I couldn't anymore. I had no idea it was possible to run out of tears but it was. However, it wasn't possible to stop feeling. Sure, there was no more salted water to fill the wounds to remind you that you're hurting, but there was still the memories and the ghost touches that make sure you don't forget what you lost. But the upside is I don't cry anymore. 

I wiped the tears streaming from my eyes, elicited by the entrapped soul banging behind my irises. I looked at my mom whose eyes were just as tired and defeated as they had been for years. But there was something else there now; betrayal.

It was truly and so cruelly ironic that she would feel betrayed by me, considering we had not been on the same side since she forced me to be independent woman I had to become. 

She literally made me who I am and I'm still not what she wanted me to be. 

The look she gave me now was weird, it was confused. 

"That girl is your friend, right? Your girl friend." She emphasized the gap between the word it should have been. 

I considered not telling her the truth. I could have just agreed and we would have forgotten about it in the morning, then she and her boy toy would get drunk and never speak of it again. It could have been so easy had I not said;

"No."

"What do you mean, no?" She gritted like I was disobeying an order.

I stood my ground even though the cracking of my voice betrayed me. "No. She's not my girl friend. She's my girlfriend."

She opened her mouth quickly, a tiny gasp of air was audible as she did so but no words came out. It was silent- deadly silent- for a good minute as she just stared at me as if she was deciphering who was standing right in front of her. It wasn't her daughter, no, I hadn't been her daughter for a long time. But at least then, before I said those three words, I might have been someone she knew- someone she recognized. Now it seemed as if I was the most distant stranger in her path. 

When she finally spoke it was oddly calm. "I'm taking the kids to my parents."

I swallowed hard. "Why?"

"They shouldn't be around someone like you."

"Iz... Izzie?" A violent shake of my shoulders brought me back to face Quinn who sat on the desk beside me. 

"Yeah?"

She tilted her head. "What's going on with you? You haven't been... here, lately."

I shook my head, not wanting to talk about anything right now... or ever. 

"I'm fine. Just tired because of the kids."

"And Casey?" 

As soon as her name was given to the air and gifted to my ears, my heart closed their doors to keep her from getting back in. 

Quinn wasn't happy with my silence so she pressed. "Izzie, she leaves in three days. Why don't you talk to her."

I just shrugged. "What's there to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe mention how you made a huge mistake?"

"You don't know anything."

"I know that you love her."

I froze, I couldn't tell if the snap I heard came from the pen I was holding in a death grip or if it was something deep within me, the cord that was trying to hold the flood gates closed. 

I had my answer when my eyes glossed over, but no tears fell. I wouldn't let them. 

"No one can do anything about it, Quinn. It's better this way." I dipped my head. 

"No it's not, idiot. What, it's better to be miserable?" She upheld. "Izzie, I've known you for years and I literally had never seen you smile until you met Casey... after you stopped hating her."

For a brief moment that seemed to last half a lifetime, I almost smiled. 

"She's leaving for a scholarship on the other side of the world without knowing how you truly feel about her, and you're going to let her?" She said like I was insane. "Jesus, even when I'm drunk I wouldn't be that stupid."

I shook my head again because she wasn't getting it. No one was getting it. "It's not that simple, Quinn. My mom won't let me near the kids if I'm with Casey."

"Then live with your grandma."

"Quinn." I exasperatedly cut her off. "Forget it. Casey's better off far away from me."

Finally, the bell rang and student began filing up to hand their work in.

I stayed in my seat for a moment longer, writing out the final line to my piece. 

I did it all for you. 

**

A.N

Hiiiiii, sorry this took so long :( but I'm one week from finishing exams. So, after next week there will be more and longer updates. 

I just had to post today because it's ATYPICAL S3 DAY TOMORROW!!!!! SHE'S HEEEERE AND CAZZIE IS COMING FOR OUR THROATS. 

DID YOU SEE THAT TRAILER??? BITCH, I CRIIIIIIED. 

Do you think Cazzie will end up together in this season? Let me know what you think. 

Next time I update I would have seen season 3 aaaaahhhh that's exciting!

Anyways, GOODLUCK ON YOUR BINGE WATCHING. I'm here if you need emotional support. xoxoxoxoxoxo