Counting Stars • [Casey x Izzie]

Maybe As Soon As Tomorrow

Izzie

I woke up the next morning in pain.

To be honest I actually could not pinpoint the exact location of what hurt the most. I just felt this distinct, continuous aching everywhere. It could be because of training, or it could be the insomnia, but all things considered I think I narrowed it down to the fact that Casey was leaving tonight and I had the unfortunate fate of waking up today.

I used to have days like this, when I would open my eyes and wonder why that happened.

My bones would hurt for no reason because I've trained my body to to endure physical activity but the one thing I don't think anyone can do is get the human body used to an emotional beating. The first time I ran track I needed three days to recover, then the next time I only needed one. However, when you go through something like a breakup or something equally or even more devastating, unlike physical pain, it doesn't just go away, it stays in your mind and your heart until the next time you hurt it. Then it piles up and up and that's why those emotionally painful events never truly get easier.

I took my time getting up today because I knew once I got up, I would have to carry the weight of my emotional baggage with me. And today the bag was extremely full.

When I made it downstairs I realized that it was too quiet for the kids to be up so I took advantage of this moment and headed to the kitchen. When I walked in I was met by my mom. I hadn't really seen her in days, one part because she was always out getting drunk who-knows-where, and the other part is that I've been ignoring her. Not that she notices because she never acknowledges my existence anyway.

We were both trying to make coffee and both attempted to do it in complete silence with only the clanging of ceramics to fill the space. Normally we would achieve this, however, today the silence was broken. And I wasn't the one to break it.

"Where are you going today?"

I took a glance over my shoulder to make sure she was really talking to me. I hesitantly answered her.

"Uh... nowhere."

I wracked my brain for any explanation as to why she was even talking to me. As sad as it is, my mom always needed a reason- that reason mostly comprising of favours and demands- to say any words to me. So, why she may be randomly inspired to know what I was doing with my life on this certain day was beyond me.

"I'm going out today. Look after the kids." She said like I was a dog.

I wanted to fight, truly, I did. But I've spent so much time battling myself internally that I had nothing left in me to argue for anything else.

With that, she left the kitchen and went out the door.

**

Casey

I opened my window and climbed into the nook on the roof over the first floor. I sat down and leaned back into the pillows in the corner between where my room ended and Sam's extended out. But I couldn't count the stars right now because it was broad daylight. There was no Andromeda, and no symbol of love to be seen in the sky. 

I told Izzie I loved her. That's why I'm up here.

The last time I had said those words in succession was to Evan, months ago when the world was still spinning on a tilt rather than upside down like it had felt for the past few weeks.

Letting her go was the hardest, easy decision I had ever made in my life. It was easy for me to determine that it would never be me over her family. Yet, it was still so, so difficult to let her know that I understood that.